4 Ways Yoga Helps with Grief
Here’s the truth: Grief sucks.
There’s no other way to sugar-coat it, and there’s no reason to try and beat around the bush.
Grief is defined as a “deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement; a cause of such suffering.” While most people associate the immediacy of grief with death, bereavement can take on many shapes. Perhaps you are experiencing a death, maybe of a loved one or a pet. Maybe you’ve lost your job after spending so many years of sacrifice. Or, maybe your landlord sold the building and you’re now forced to lose the home you’ve worked so hard to maintain.
No matter the reason, grief just sucks.
The first thing to remember when you're going through your grief process is to allow yourself to feel your feelings. You may have heard similar advice from friends, family, or other people who have been in a similar (or perhaps some who are in the same) situation. While perhaps cliché in delivery, the advice is true all the same.
Common Stages of Grief
While grief is not a linear experience and people experience it differently, there is a basic setup of five “stages” that people are commonly thought to move through during the grieving process.
Denial/Shock - This is usually right when the event happens but can occur at any time. It is generally associated with a numb, empty feeling or a refusal to believe that what happened did.
Anger - This is when you get mad at absolutely everything from hitting a red light to cursing the person or thing you're mourning. This particular anger will likely be much worse than any rage previously experienced.
Bargaining - This entails a lot of wondering around the "why" this had to happen, to you or to your loved one. This usually involves a conversation(s) with whatever higher power you associate with the most.
Depression - This is when everything starts to hit. You have moved past the shock and denial. You've experienced bits of rage and bargained with your higher power, but none of that will prevent you from the sinking, sad, depressed feelings that are bound to occur at some point.
Acceptance - This comes and goes just like the rest of them. Sometimes you're at peace with what's happened. Other times you're not. This is the stage everyone aims to maintain as they navigate their grief process.
Finding Relief Through Yoga
If you’re not a practitioner of yoga, you may be confused (or maybe even put off) by people talking of its “healing” powers.
Breathing is important, and there are many discussions on the healing power of breathing. Oftentimes, yoga instructors will guide you to “send some extra breath” into areas of your body that may need extra release. In tandem with that is allowing your exhale to be slightly longer than your inhale. Doing so activates the vagus nerve, and thus your parasympathetic nervous system.
Stimulation of this particular nerve can help fight depression, which is an issue outside of the grieving process, as well.
With yoga specifically, there are four main ways the practice may help you move through the various stages of grief.
#1. Understanding How Trauma is Stored in Our Bodies
This is one of the most important -- if not THE most important -- aspects of understanding how yoga can transform your grief into power.
There is much to be said about how (and if) emotions are actually physically stored in the body. Many people like to take the analogy of a massage as an example of a physical release. When the masseuse hits a certain spot, sometimes it hurts. They whittle away at the "knot" that has resulted in stored-up tension until it has been "released." Oftentimes, this causes an even further reaction -- which could include tensing, screaming, or crying -- due to the intensity of the pressure released from the body.
While most emotions are commonly felt around the chest area, when it comes to a yogic approach, it's commonly thought that certain traumas are physically stored in the hips. There's also the way grief affects our brains and minds. Yoga has many ways to help with physical and mental health, which is part of the reason there are so many hip-opening postures included in classes.
#2. Effectively Releasing Your Emotions Through Conscious Movement
Some yoga teachers will remind you to treat every pose like a meditation. With this thought in mind, every pose in yoga is meant to be done with conscious and mindful movement.
In line with that movement and the most important part of the yoga practice is a connection to the breath. In yoga settings, there's a lot of focus placed on connecting the breath with the movement. Think, "Inhale Upward Dog. Exhale Downward Dog." Speaking in terms of the breath aids the yogi or yogini in maintaining that consciousness as they move while linking the breath and body together.
This connects back to stimulating our vagus nerve, as mentioned above. The parasympathetic nervous system is the biggest ally in your yoga practice when it comes to getting through challenging poses (and emotions.) As your sympathetic nervous system is in charge of your fight or flight responses, the simple act of a longer exhale helps remind your parasympathetic that you are in a safe place. This is another way to maintain a conscious and mindful practice regardless of the challenges you face. This simple exercise can also do wonders to help with the intensity of your emotions during a grief spell.
#3. Connecting the Mind and Body Through Meditation
Outside of treating every pose like a meditation during your practice, it's also important to put a focus on actual meditation every so often as well.
A lot of people feel like they "can't meditate" because they struggle to keep their minds "quiet." An important thing to remember here is that your goal is not to silence your mind as much as it is to observe and release the thoughts that cross it. This simply means that during meditation, if a thought crosses your mind, instead of berating yourself or thinking you're "failing" at the meditation, simply acknowledge the thought for arriving, thank it for its time, and ask it to come back later.
If your mind drifts a thousand times during meditation and you notice it every time, you're practicing mindful meditation.
Meditation can help you on your grief journey because it forces you to hone in on where you feel in your body. Doing things like “body scans” alert your mind to areas of tension, and understanding the emotions that are stored in those areas will help you move closer to release.
#4. Utilizing Your Breath to Find Healing
If it feels like I’m beating you over the head with this by now, it’s because I am. However, when it comes to yoga and grieving, as with the intention of breath-to-movement connection during the physical asanas of yoga, it's also important to practice specified pranayama -- or breathwork -- activities. Certain pranayama techniques are practiced during the sequence itself. Two of the more common practices include Nadi Shodhana, or Alternate Nostril Breathing, and Kapalabhati, or Breath of Fire.
For the former, come to a comfortable seat with your right pointer and middle fingers at the center of your forehead (or third eye center), your right thumb on your right nostril, and your right ring finger on your left nostril. Plug your right nostril and inhale through the left, then plug your left nostril and release the right on your exhale. Inhale through the right, replug, then exhale through the left. Repeat for a few minutes or as desired, finishing with the exhale out the left nostril.
For Breath of Fire, focus on rapid, forcible exhales from the diaphragm and allow the inhale to naturally "rubber band" back into a neutral position. You may release rather a lot from your nostrils, so be prepared for that. You may also get a little lightheaded due to the rapidity of your breath, so practice mindfully. Aim to repeat for 50 or more cycles. This may sound like a lot, but 50 rounds of Breath of Fire should take between 30-45 seconds.
Either of these practices (and many more) can also be incorporated into your meditation practice.
Using Yoga for Grief
There are many different programs and classes you can find online that will help you understand how to utilize the practice of yoga to help you move through your grief.
At the time of this writing, I’m hosting a Yoga for Grief series at San Diego’s Yoga Deck on Saturdays from January 7-February 4, 2023. After that, keep an eye out for the program to be released online (with some workbooks and fun extra activities) so you can practice for yourself at home.
More importantly, there’s nothing more you can do than respect your body and its wishes. Sometimes, all it takes is simply sitting with ourselves, asking our body what it needs, and honoring that intuition.
Your body knows where it’s storing the trauma. It’s only up to you to be brave enough to face it.
