5 Ways to Take Your Life Into Your Own Hands
Working for yourself sounds like the ideal life situation, does it not?It’s a commonly shared dream amongst people, but most of the time, the dreamer gets caught up in the “How do I”’s.
How do I get started?
How do I make money?
How do I get people interested?
How do I [insert personal dilemma]?
I’ve recently decided to take the plunge into my own freelance writing career, and I must admit: Working for yourself is awesome. Being your own boss, creating your own hours, setting up your own schedule, always making sure you have time to be social while getting work done is my ultimate dream come true.
There are a million answers and a million different people who will lead you to them for all of the above-stated questions (as well as any other ones you have). If you’d like to work for yourself, but aren’t sure how to get started, here are five tips to help get the ball rolling.
Start Researching
No dream, wish, or goal is going to achieve itself.
That’s the first thing you’ll need to remember as you start to tackle your life and make it your own. As you sit where you are in life, dreaming about how you want to be somewhere else in a certain amount of time, be aware that research is the best way to get yourself started.
For example:
I’ve spent my entire life wishing I could be in New Zealand. Most people assume it’s only because of The Lord of the Rings, but it goes back much further than that. My earliest memories of New Zealand actually come from the 6-8 age group (which was also the time I started writing) and originated with Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys of all things. (And, if I share that information with my fellow Kiwis, most of them laugh.)My interest then piqued, of course, when The Lord of the Rings happened, and then grew further when The Chronicles of Narnia happened, and almost came to a desperate desire when a little, not-so-popular show called Legend of the Seeker happened.
I never knew what it was about New Zealand that attracted me so (apart from, hello, it’s gorgeous), but I always knew I had to get here somehow. I initially wanted to take the plunge back in 2011 as a college graduation present to myself -- but then the Christchurch earthquake happened and I talked myself out of it.
Then, in October 2014, I finally decided I was going to take the plunge.
Instead of just “wanting” to come here, I started doing some research… And the time I wanted to spend here went from two weeks, to one month, to three months, and finally landed on the one-year gap I gave myself because of that research.
The beginnings of the research, however, were quite daunting, which leads me to…
Take Baby Steps
I’ll keep with my trip for the purposes of this example, because a lot of people say I’m “taking action with my life” because of it. To be fair, I certainly credit this gap year as a major source for the amount of growth I’ve gone through since the beginning of 2015, just a short year ago, when I still considered myself a “dreamer”.I talked myself out of coming here for a long time because of everything I had to do in order to get here. When I made the decision to come and had absolutely nothing (including money), that list included:
Getting a passport
Deciding which visa to obtain (visitor’s or working holiday)
Deciding which parts of the country I wanted to visit
Making a list of things I wanted to accomplish here
Studying the culture so I didn’t show up like an uneducated American
Buying a plane ticket
Figuring out the best bus plan to get me around the country
Having at least $4200 NZ in my bank account by the time of arrival (their requirement, not mine)
Selling all of my belongings
Saying goodbye to everyone I know and love
Looking at that list in October 2014, and setting the date to come here at April 2015, gave me about six months flat to get all of that done. I was completely overwhelmed at first, and almost talked myself out of it again when I devised that list, but then something happened…I just started ticking things off.
One.
Bullet.
At a time.
The first thing I did was got a passport, and then told myself, “Great. Now you have 10 years in which ‘I don’t have a passport’ can’t be a valid excuse.”That one, simple step opened a floodgate to the rest of the bullet points getting ticked off.
Within a month, I’d chosen my visa. I bought a map of the country, and as I made up my list of things I wanted to do, places I wanted to go, and general research on the culture, I circled where it was on the map so I could visually see how I was going to go about touring this country.
Within two months, I had my plane ticket.
Within three, I had my bus pass, and both applied for and received my visa for the year.
Four months in, I started selling some of my stuff and mainly focused on getting the money I needed.
Five months in, all I had to worry about was money.
The last month before I came, I had enough people backing me and supporting me that getting rid of everything was easy.
And boom.
Here I am.
Banish Negative Self-Talk
I am guilty as charged on this one.
We are our own worst enemies. Negative voices whisper in our heads so loud, sometimes we’re surprised no one else can hear them. We’re not pretty enough, or skinny enough, or rich enough, or cool enough, or talented enough, or driven enough, or any other form of negativity our minds allow us to sink into.
If you want to take control of your life, that kind of self-talk needs to go.
For my freelancing career, I’ve learned a lot from freelance queen Carol Tice. In a module I took from her on the Escape the Content Mills course, she stated that her father told her to look in the mirror every day and say, “Damn, I’m good.”
As someone who used to look into the mirror and pick out every flaw, this simple step actually does go a long way.
If you find yourself looking in the mirror and checking out all of the things you don’t like, or wallowing in self-pity (I’m not judging, I do it more than anyone I know) thinking about how much of a failure you are, take this advice.
Look yourself in the eyes (through the mirror, of course), banish your self-talk, and give it a go.
Damn. I’m good.
Set Up a Plan
As I stated in the first step, any goal or dream you have isn’t going to accomplish itself. I’ve wanted to write a book since I was 7-years-old, and I spent about 11 years hoping it would just happen on its own before I gave myself enough energy to finally tackle it.
And look where I am now.
I set up my whole plan for 2015 in October 2014, and as it is now January 2016, I can say I accomplished everything I set out to do. The same has occurred at the end of 2015, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make everything I want to happen actually happen in 2016.
However, I feel there is a difference between thinking it and writing it out. It’s the same for a novel structure, in that, when the ideas are all floating around your head at a million miles an hour, it’s hard to narrow down and focus on them.
Writing it out (even if it’s just a bulleted list of what you want to accomplish) lets you visually look at your goals — and the best part?
Completing one of them and crossing it off.
Crossing off a goal you’ve made for yourself, physically on paper over mentally, is one of the most fulfilling aspects of setting up any goal because it merely pushes you to complete the next one…and the next…and the next…and the next, until all you're doing is achieving what you set your mind to.
Face Your Fears
There’s a ridiculous amount of fears you can experience, from rational to irrational, real or false, self-inflicted or societally taught… It goes on and on.
The truth is, most of them don’t exist.
Some, however, do, of course.
For example, one of the biggest reasons I held myself back from coming to New Zealand for so long was because I was absolutely petrified someone from my family would die while I was gone. I spent years convincing myself to “wait until everyone was dead” before I decided to chase my dreams, only to come to the realization that, truthfully, that’s kind of morbid, and apart from that, I should never wait to start my own life.
Two weeks into being in New Zealand, I received a phone call that the inside of my grandfather’s stomach looked like someone had taken powdered sugar and blown it across his intestines and every sugar granule turned into a tumor.
Four months later, he was gone.I was absolutely mortified. Crushed. I questioned everything about coming on this trip.
If I just would have waited one more year…If I just wouldn’t have waited before…If only…If only…If only…But the truth was, even though I didn’t want to, I faced that fear. And, more importantly:
I survived.
When it comes to chasing your dreams, however, this is what I’ve discovered:
You’re the most scared when you’re right about to accomplish something huge.
Another tip from Carol (seriously, if you’re at all interested in freelance writing, you need to check her out) is to experience your fear. That is the only way you can face it.
For a less heartbreaking personal example, one of my big fears is sharing my work. I hate it. I love writing — I do it for hours and hours day after day — but as soon as it’s done, or “ready to share”, I clam up. I get nervous. I negative self-talk.“No one’s going to like this.”
“This is utter shit.”
“What was I even thinking?”
Well, you know what?
Recently I’ve started sharing. I’ve joined writer’s groups. I’ve become connected with others online.
I’ve faced my fears.
And the feedback I’ve been getting (even though there are minor tweaks here and there) has made me almost jump over the moon. Feedback like…“Excellent piece! I adore your use of interesting verbs, and your storytelling ability makes this piece shine.”
“I love your writing voice — very friendly, engaging, and down to earth.”
“Great work on this article. I think you’d have a great shot at sparking some interest.”
“Great job! Tight article focus, tons of detail!”
So, what happened when I faced my fears?
I grew.
And I realized that I had much less to be afraid of than I thought.
At the end of it all, it’s all up to you.
You decide your own fate.
You decide how to achieve your own goals, if only through the realization that they won’t accomplish themselves.
Try out these five steps, make a plan for your life, and watch as everything unfolds exactly as it should.
Tip: Try out this resource called The Work, recommended by Carol Tice and Linda Formichelli.
