How to Travel as a Couple

Do you have a significant other you’re itching to see the world with? Before you rush into the trip, it’s important to make sure you’re prepared for the journey together. Today on the Life in Another World Podcast, I sat down with Joe Buckley and Meg Teagle, a Welsh couple I met on the road in New Zealand to discuss what it’s really like to travel with your loved one.[powerpress]

Making the Initial Decision

Like any traveling situation, an initial decision needs to ignite the plan.

When you’re traveling solo, the only person who needs to decide on anything is you. When you add another person, especially when they’re a significant other, things can get a little more complicated.

Before you even consider any potential travel plans, pay attention to how you get along now. Do you fight a lot? Small bickers or massive blowouts? Are there any doubts that hold you back? If there are, this might not be the right decision for you.

Although these are hard questions to face, don’t let them disrupt the trip. Bickering is natural and healthy, but don’t be at each other’s throats the whole time. If the arguments are frequent and larger than a tiff, it may be a sign.

Between the two of you, find the balance of things you’re good and bad at (organizing, directions, etc.) Working together will get you much further than working against each other.

Conversely, don’t be scared to take this trip on your own, especially if your partner isn’t ready to go with you. You can still travel by yourself and do a long distance relationship if it comes to it. Though less desirable, it is still attainable.

At that, if all else fails, even if you break up along the way, you’re still halfway across the world and interacting with new people every day. You’ll never be alone, and you’ll always have plenty of distractions.

The Importance of Communication

After you’ve made the initial decision to go, put communication at the top of your priorities. All relationships depend on communication, but it’s never more vital than when you’re on a world tour together.

Whether you have deep conversations or not, the experiences you accrue together will undoubtedly strengthen your relationship. When your only alone time is in the bathroom, you learn a lot about the other person — and it may not always be pleasant.

With an awareness that there’s always a possibility that things might not work out, discuss what you’re going to do if things don’t pan out the way you’ve planned. Joe and Megan shared a bank account and needed to be real with themselves about what they would do with that if they separated. Stay mature — even if you break up, you don’t want to leave your former partner stranded.

Hopefully.

Apart from that, check in with each other. Traveling is stressful, and anxiety is a constant given. Make sure you’re paying attention to each other’s mental stability to help each other stay strong and focused.

Be Aware of What You’re Getting Yourselves Into

You will be with your loved one 24 hours a day. Unlike a typical living situation, space is harder to come by when you do a trip like this. If you share a house or an apartment and each have jobs, you can always work around each other and get the space you need when you want it.

Not so when you travel.

Don’t let that stress you out — you’ve already decided you wanted to spend this much time with that person, right? Remember that always.

Also, take advantage of the fact that you will always have a familiar face, no matter what. If you’re lost, and you turn around, there’s someone you know. As long as you’re aware of how full-on it is between the two of you, you’ll be fine.

Just don’t forget to talk about things.

Take Advantage of Time Alone

If you travel solo, all you get is time alone with groups of people you don’t know. Although it’s the same idea when you’re a couple, don’t take opportunities to be alone together for granted!

Find mutual things you like to do, and you won’t have to worry so much about separating to do what you want. Be willing to go off on your own if you have to, but if it isn’t necessary, don’t push it.

Even couples, however, need space from each other. Don’t become too co-dependent just because your partner is familiar. No matter what, downtime by yourself with your own thoughts is vital for mental health.

When you’re jumping around in hostels, plan for the occasional double room. Staying in dorms with all of your friends is great fun, but it prevents you from having the necessary conversations needed to keep the relationship healthy.

Be aware of the extra cost of double rooms and plan accordingly. At the same time, if you meet people you love along the way, don’t be afraid to stay with them, either!

Finding a Social Balance

Although keeping your personal life private outside of the people you travel with is hard, it is still doable. It’s just up to you to find the right balance.

Oddly enough, it’s easier to make friends when you travel by yourself. Think about it. If you see someone standing alone, or two people canoodling all over each other, who’s less intimidating to approach? The people you interact with automatically see you as a couple, and they become more reserved because you’re already a unit.

Therefore, as the couple, you have to make the effort to either mingle with the singles or find double dates.

To make things easier on yourselves, “go out” together, then “separate” once you’re there.

Whatever you do, just do your best not to seclude yourself. At the end of the trip, making friends is the most important aspect of travel, so be open to that. You’re still a couple at the core, but don’t let that hinder you from having a social life.

The Post-Trip Depression

If your relationship has survived the trip, congratulations!

You’re about to go through a depression.

Don’t worry, though; it’s the same depression most people get when their vacation wraps. Whether by yourself or as a couple, the travel bug possesses you once you get a taste.

Don’t fight the sadness that comes to you. Transitioning back to “reality” is just as much of an adjustment as acclimatizing to all of the foreign cultures you’re now thoroughly accustomed to in the first place.

When you leave and return alone, you feel like no one understands what you’ve been through. That, or it seems like no one wants to hear what you have to say.

Although you get that same response as a couple, the best part of traveling with someone else is they’ll always know exactly what happened. No matter what, in the end, you will always have someone who was with you every step of the way.

Whether you decide to travel alone or with your loved one, just prepare yourself for the journey. The more ready you are for the days that don’t go so well, the more you’ll appreciate that days that run flawlessly.

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The Benefits and Downfalls of Traveling Solo

Ever wondered what it's like to travel solo? Despite all the wide-eyed selfies, it isn't always everything it's made out to be. In this first episode of The Life in Another World Podcast, join me as I reflect on the benefits and downfalls I experienced in my solo year abroad.[powerpress]

You may think that traveling solo sounds easy, or it may be the most daunting notion you’ve ever heard. Truth is, it’s a pretty even mixture of both. Some desire a solo year abroad to learn about themselves and transform into a well-rounded individual. Some may not even choose a year, but embark on hundreds of smaller trips just to get away. Whatever the reasons, there’s benefits and downfalls to facing the world on your own.

Facing the World Head-On

Despite any speed bump you may face along the way, a lot of good things come from traveling solo.

As for me, I had a rough time accepting my role in life. I thought I didn’t deserve happiness, and that my mere existence was in the way to those around me. Through my negative misconceptions about myself, I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone and grow.

Apart from that, as a fantasy author, I was desperate to get into my character’s shoes. I’d released a self-published fantasy book, and the truth was, I hated it. I knew it wasn’t ready, and I knew I’d rushed the publication with my impatience. My jump-the-gun approach to my publication instilled in me a desire to escape. Although I was unhappy with the final product, the story had ignited in me nonetheless. I knew if I whisked myself out of my normal life and put myself in my character’s shoes, far from home and clueless about how to blend, my story would blossom.

To Solo or Not to Solo?

In truth, you should never let a travel buddy (or lack thereof) stop you from doing what you want. Do you have a place in mind that nobody else wants to go to? Go anyway! There’s no right or wrong way to travel, as long as you’re getting out there.

With or without anybody with you, there are always a million factors that play into your decision to go. I fell into the category of being unable to find a travel buddy, as I disappeared for a year. Other obligations and fears may have kept my friends back, but I refused to let their hesitancy stop me.

In a lot of ways, I consider myself lucky. Standing at a firm six-and-a-half feet tall, I knew I could defend myself if I needed to. Not everyone gets that luxury, but you may quickly find that making friends isn’t as hard as you’d think.

How to Bond on the Road

When you’re in a position where you feel out of your element, getting overwhelmed is a given. When you travel to a foreign country, you realize that no matter how much you prepare, culture shock is insane.

At first, you may feel like you’re alone in your disorientation. When I went to New Zealand, even though I knew the cars drove on the other side of the road, my compass switched off. As an Eagle Scout, I had learned all the tips and tricks of wilderness survival. When I went to the Southern Hemisphere, however, I discovered the sun is in the North instead of the South portion of the sky, the moss grows on different sides of the trees, and the Big Dipper doesn’t exist in the constellations.

Thus, I completely lost my sense of direction.

But was I alone in feeling that way?

I thought so, but the moment I opened up to other people in my hostels or on my bus, I found I was far from the only one shrouded in fear. When you meet people who presently suffer that same sense of shock, it’s like you’ve known each other forever.

Everybody chooses different reasons to travel, but learning the similarities and differences between people makes that bonding almost impossible to ignore. You learn that everyone has faced the same million excuses you used to held you back.

More importantly, you realize that even though you’re traveling solo, you’re never truly alone.

What to Do When You Realize You’re Not Alone

Make friends!

Although my personal experience didn’t allow me to have a travel companion, I always ended up with a handful of people to talk to.

At the core, traveling alone is obviously being alone all the time. That purposeful isolation from society forces you to get out of your shell and talk to other people. Want that picture taken of you so you don’t have to selfie it? Buck up and ask that stranger. You may find you don’t need to question yourself or the people around you as much as you did.

There were plenty of times when I wished I had someone with me, but I never knew how strong I was until I put my strength to the test. Every “I can’t do this” weighed me down, but I pushed past it and I connected with people I never even dreamed could have existed.

Learning How to Face Yourself

The prospect of having someone you know at any given time while you’re in a foreign country is, of course, desirable. To have that sense of safety, to never feel so out of place to where every face is just as foreign as the country you’re in.

If you have a partner, though, you then have to either agree on every activity or go off alone anyway.

In the debate between solo versus group travel, no decision is the wrong one. Whether you go alone, with your best friend, partner, or in a group, you’ll learn and grow so much. The relationship with yourself will grow, as well as the relationship with anyone you travel with.

I yearned to have that time alone, forcing myself to look in the mirror every day and face myself no matter what. Traveling solo made me search for my purpose, and locked me deep within my own thoughts until I experienced my metamorphosis.

When the Loneliness Strikes

Solo travel may come with a healthy dose of an I-can-conquer-anything feeling, but not every day is a perfect paradise. Some days require having the best of friends or the closest of family around you, and when you don’t have that, those days are rough.

Likewise, there may be certain places you visit that you wish you had someone to share the experience with. For example, I spent my year in New Zealand waiting for the opportune time to visit the acclaimed Milford Sound. When I finally landed there, after waiting for longer than anybody else who was on the bus, I knew no one. I had just hopped on to that bus for the day, and most of the travelers had been with each other for a while. I stayed behind in Invercargill to head to Stewart Island, and everyone I knew on my bus went forward without me.

The place I was so excited about was still just as beautiful as I’d imagined, but I walked around the boat in isolation as everyone gathered over their cameras to discuss their pictures. Sometimes, small talk doesn’t work as well as it does at other times, and although I’m forever grateful to have witnessed Milford’s beauty, it was one of the hardest solo days I had to endure.

Being Ready to Travel

Not everyone thinks traveling helps you “find yourself” or “become who you were born to be.” I say you have to be ready to grow for travel to really affect you.

When you’re ready to travel and when you choose to drop everything and go, there’s no way you can’t learn about yourself in the process. I had to learn how to entertain myself and make everything I wanted to do happen for me.

That being said, make sure if you are going somewhere alone, you’re going somewhere safe. Make sure people know where you are and that you’re safe. While you’re at it, make safe decision and choices. When you’re in control of all of everything, don’t let your freedom become your poison. You don’t want to end up as one of the horror stories that holds people back from seeing the world.

The Key Aspect to Solo Travel

So, what is the grand finale of traveling solo? What is the purpose? What do you learn?

Nothing more than how to rely on yourself, and believe me, that’s the most important lesson you’ll ever need. I no longer question my place or think I deserve misery like I used to. For me, that’s the greatest gift I could have ever asked for.

I chose to travel because I wanted to stop believing that there was nothing else out there for me. Once I discovered what lay on the other side of the horizon, I learned how to live life to the fullest and make the most out of everything.

The visas and savings and everything that goes into traveling is a daunting headache, but the end result is always worth it. Prepare yourself for the speed bumps that will occur, but realize that by the end, every bad day will be irrelevant.

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