Finding Culture Through Music with Shaun Day

No matter who you are or where you grew up, there is something that binds all humanity together: Music.At the heart of every traveler is a desire to experience other cultures. In that exploration, the music we discover helps expand our mind. The genres of music we experience awaken different parts of our souls.For musician Shaun Day, music was an every day experience in his family. With a father from England and a mother from the Philippines, Shaun grew up with an appreciation of diversity, which helped shape his future career.[powerpress]

Fulfilling the American Dream

Shaun’s parents migrated to America to chase the American dream. After meeting each other and creating a family, they raised Shaun and his brother Simon with an appreciation of diversity.Growing up in the streets of San Francisco, Shaun was constantly bombarded with different sounds and tastes. A cultural mecca laid outside his fingertips, and the more he learned about diversity, the more his music found its influence.Under the guise of his parent’s influence, Shaun picked up a guitar and let the music have its way.

Music Influences Growth

With the opportunity to grow up around so many different styles of music, Shaun learned a lot about music production.Experimenting throughout high school, Shaun found himself in a wide array of bands. The first, Blind Issues, took him and his bandmates throughout the high school years.After moving on to college, Shaun and front-man Joey Perotti introduced The Sex Effects, which took on a more alternative side.Once finished with California State University Monterey Bay, Shaun landed himself a job at both MHQ and Blue Rhode Studios in Los Angeles, where music production became his life.He now freelances with multiple artists, works in three different studios (including one with his cousin), and has a new band, Red Giant.

The Artist Mindset

Having grown up in San Francisco, living in Monterey, and migrating to Los Angeles, Shaun learned an important lesson:Your surroundings have a major impact on your daily life.Culture bleeds through the street cracks in San Francisco. Monterey boasts a more natural side, where oceans tumble into crashing waves.Los Angeles, however, is where everybody seems to go to chase their dreams.As everyone can imagine, there’s a huge competitive field in Los Angeles for music and movies and everything of the like. It takes a strong person to keep pushing through their dreams and recognizing they need to get their voices heard over the competition. For people like Shaun, there’s just no such thing as giving up.That being said, there’s a big community with all of the artists. They’re all they have sometimes, and they have to stick together. Everything is about auditions and gigs and building relationships.

The Importance of Believing in Yourself

Like so many others, Shaun has discovered the key to success is believing you can do it.Everyone has different struggles in this walk of life. Not everybody has the mindset of an artist, or a traveler, or a businessman, or whatever takes your interest.A lot of times, it’s more about who you know than what.A traveler could know someone in the town they’re in who will give them a roof, where an artist can know a producer in their field to help open doors.As long as you continually push yourself out of your comfort zone, you’ll grow.

Finding Home Through Travel

At the end of the day, you move where your heart takes you.Shaun took his cultural experiences from San Francisco, molded them into his time studying what influenced him, and chased his dream.Those with wanderlust understand that constantly moving helps you find what you consider to be “home.” No matter what, the feeling of “home” hits a nostalgic nerve that makes you feel like you’re where you belong.Music, in a lot of ways, is just like traveling. It opens your mind to different walks of life, it helps you find who you are, and it always provides a safety zone to fall back on when you feel out of place.

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How has music impacted or changed your life? Has it influenced your opinions on culture? Let me know in the comments!

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How a Week in New Orleans Changed Everything

Today on the Life in Another World Podcast, I sat down with my roommate, Claire Hulstrom to discuss the ups and downs of her recent trip to New Orleans, and how everything about it has changed her perspective on life.

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A trip doesn’t need to last a year to change your life. Sometimes, a quick week can alter everything about who you are now, versus who you were before the trip. Each trip comes with trials, tribulations, ups, downs, and everything in between. It then becomes how we face those fears and appreciate our experiences that help us grow.

Planning the Getaway

Even short trips take preparation, and even they aren’t safe from the setbacks that can occur.

It’s easy to feel like every time you get ahead, you fall another step behind. Before long, a constant cycle of roadblocks threatens your way with attempts to impede your trip.

Claire spent a year planning her journey to New Orleans, only to have money persistently pose an issue. As most of us can relate, every time she paid off one bill, another one materialized.

If money is your primary issue, remember this:

It always works itself out.

Always.

Where there is a will, there is a way, and when you travel, that way usually unravels on its own.

Finding Free Activities

With Christmas, birthdays, and the general holiday season surrounding Claire’s trip to New Orleans, her bank account never reflected the amount of money she knew she needed. On departure day, she had $130 to last her until the paycheck she’d receive while in New Orleans.

Determined to take a negative and transform it to a positive, Claire did the next best thing:

Free activities.

From walking tours, sightseeing, checking out museums, or merely window shopping, there’s always something free to do. Ever heard the phrase, “The best things in life are free?” You don’t need to pay for every memory.

Experiencing New Orleans

Even outside of the Christmas season, New Orleans is always decorated to the nines.

A city rooted in culture that breathes a different energy than most, New Orleans grabs hold of you whether you want it to or not. Its history breathes through the cracks and crevices and seeps into your pores the moment you enter its borders.

If you’re someone who’s into the supernatural, New Orleans needs to shoot to the top of your “visit” list. Have a walk by Madame Delphine LaLaurie’s house, and perhaps even snap a picture of a ghost or two. While you’re at it, take a visit to the grave of the Voodoo Queen herself, Marie Laveau.

Free Things to Do in New Orleans

When all else fails, walk. Exploring things on foot is the easiest way to study your surroundings and look for the things you can do without spending any cash.

If you’re a history buff, the French Quarter Visitor’s Center is sure to tickle your fancies. In this museum, you can check out all of the histories from the Creoles to the Cajuns and everything in between that’s helped shape New Orleans throughout the eras.

Are you a fan of vampires? If you’re interested in seeing props from most of the vampire movies inside of the United States’ only vampire shop, don’t pass up an opportunity to visit Boutique du Vampyre. Everything in the shop is handmade, and backpacking off the supernatural theme in New Orleans makes this shop a must-visit.

Not So Free Things to Do in New Orleans

Post Katrina, tourism in New Orleans is at an all-time high.

If the supernatural element of New Orleans intrigues you, look into walking tours that guide you through old sets from horror films while discussing the supernatural references in the city.

Want something more in depth? Consider checking out Ghost City Tours. Options range from experiencing the ghosts of New Orleans, hearing the details of the horrific things that stain its history, or even joining in on a ghost hunt for yourself.

For an opportunity to veer off the usual path other New Orleans ghost tours wander, check out the Killers & Thrillers tour. The only tour that is adults only, you’ll learn about the real horrors of New Orleans’ history in excruciating detail. You’ll have the opportunity to see more than the pedestrian sections of the quarter as you delve deeper into its darker parts.

Or, seriously, go on a for real ghost hunt.

Can’t get enough haunts? If you’re brave enough, sign up for one of the cemetery tours, if you dare.

Outside of the supernatural elements in New Orleans, a lot of people also choose to see the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina. Sometimes, we need a reminder as to what natural disasters can do, and why we should never take our surroundings for granted. You can look into walking tours to accomplish yourself, or sign up for the guided tour for a detailed history of America’s worst natural disaster.

Where to Stay in New Orleans

In general, throughout America, hostels can be hard to track down. That, however, is not the case in New Orleans.

For a hostel located on the famous Magazine Street, check out the Atlas House. In the earlier days before Katrina, the area this hostel is located in wasn’t necessarily safe. After the devastation that swept through the city, it has been transformed into a prime location.

If you’re interested in a hostel that’s a little more posh, check out Hostel Auberge. Located in The Lower Garden District directly between Uptown and Downtown New Orleans, this is a prime location for scouting out all of New Orleans’ highlights.

Mixing in the Flavor

As an executive chef, one of Claire’s main reasons for her visit to New Orleans was the food.

And, as with most cities in the Southern States, the gumbo is something she refused to miss out on.

Although you can find a multitude of different foods throughout the streets of New Orleans, the Creole and Cajun inspiration is everywhere you look. Deeply rooted in French culture, particularly from the Cajuns after their migration from French Canada, the food is packed with flavor.

You’ll find lots of cayenne pepper, and mixed with the soul food Louisiana is known for, your taste buds won’t even know what hit them. New Orleans is the culinary mecca for things unexplored. From the deep nuttiness of the roux used in gumbo, to the brininess of the oysters, shucked while you watch. The earthiness of Turtle soup, and the delicate way the Beignet pairs with chicory coffee. This city will leave you gob-smacked, not quite knowing what just hit you, but eagerly anticipating more.

Taking the Leap

Like most people ready to embark on a trip, Claire was shrouded in fear. All she wanted was a nice vacation during the Christmas season, and all she seemed to find along the way were roadblocks.

Those roadblocks, however, didn’t stand as hindrances for long, and they each left a lesson that strengthened her.

At the end of it all, here’s the skinny:

Just jump.

If all of your decisions are fear-based, you’ll never progress in life. When you’re standing on that metaphorical ledge and looking out into the darkness, the longer you wait to leap into it, the more likely you are to talk yourself out of it.

Just jump.

Along the way, other people will attempt to instill fears in you, and it’s up to you to decide what you’re capable of doing.

It is then up to you do it.

Just jump.

Making friends with strangers will be a breeze, and even after a few days, you may find people who stick by your side forever. When you meet people on the road, it’s like connecting with someone from a past life. In a place like New Orleans where its spiritual history stands at an apex, these opportunities will open your eyes and help you realize you’re never truly alone.

Traveling can get you out of a funk you don’t even know you’re in. It can change your life in ways you never thought possible. More so, it can shape you into the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Just jump.

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How to Travel as a Couple

Do you have a significant other you’re itching to see the world with? Before you rush into the trip, it’s important to make sure you’re prepared for the journey together. Today on the Life in Another World Podcast, I sat down with Joe Buckley and Meg Teagle, a Welsh couple I met on the road in New Zealand to discuss what it’s really like to travel with your loved one.[powerpress]

Making the Initial Decision

Like any traveling situation, an initial decision needs to ignite the plan.

When you’re traveling solo, the only person who needs to decide on anything is you. When you add another person, especially when they’re a significant other, things can get a little more complicated.

Before you even consider any potential travel plans, pay attention to how you get along now. Do you fight a lot? Small bickers or massive blowouts? Are there any doubts that hold you back? If there are, this might not be the right decision for you.

Although these are hard questions to face, don’t let them disrupt the trip. Bickering is natural and healthy, but don’t be at each other’s throats the whole time. If the arguments are frequent and larger than a tiff, it may be a sign.

Between the two of you, find the balance of things you’re good and bad at (organizing, directions, etc.) Working together will get you much further than working against each other.

Conversely, don’t be scared to take this trip on your own, especially if your partner isn’t ready to go with you. You can still travel by yourself and do a long distance relationship if it comes to it. Though less desirable, it is still attainable.

At that, if all else fails, even if you break up along the way, you’re still halfway across the world and interacting with new people every day. You’ll never be alone, and you’ll always have plenty of distractions.

The Importance of Communication

After you’ve made the initial decision to go, put communication at the top of your priorities. All relationships depend on communication, but it’s never more vital than when you’re on a world tour together.

Whether you have deep conversations or not, the experiences you accrue together will undoubtedly strengthen your relationship. When your only alone time is in the bathroom, you learn a lot about the other person — and it may not always be pleasant.

With an awareness that there’s always a possibility that things might not work out, discuss what you’re going to do if things don’t pan out the way you’ve planned. Joe and Megan shared a bank account and needed to be real with themselves about what they would do with that if they separated. Stay mature — even if you break up, you don’t want to leave your former partner stranded.

Hopefully.

Apart from that, check in with each other. Traveling is stressful, and anxiety is a constant given. Make sure you’re paying attention to each other’s mental stability to help each other stay strong and focused.

Be Aware of What You’re Getting Yourselves Into

You will be with your loved one 24 hours a day. Unlike a typical living situation, space is harder to come by when you do a trip like this. If you share a house or an apartment and each have jobs, you can always work around each other and get the space you need when you want it.

Not so when you travel.

Don’t let that stress you out — you’ve already decided you wanted to spend this much time with that person, right? Remember that always.

Also, take advantage of the fact that you will always have a familiar face, no matter what. If you’re lost, and you turn around, there’s someone you know. As long as you’re aware of how full-on it is between the two of you, you’ll be fine.

Just don’t forget to talk about things.

Take Advantage of Time Alone

If you travel solo, all you get is time alone with groups of people you don’t know. Although it’s the same idea when you’re a couple, don’t take opportunities to be alone together for granted!

Find mutual things you like to do, and you won’t have to worry so much about separating to do what you want. Be willing to go off on your own if you have to, but if it isn’t necessary, don’t push it.

Even couples, however, need space from each other. Don’t become too co-dependent just because your partner is familiar. No matter what, downtime by yourself with your own thoughts is vital for mental health.

When you’re jumping around in hostels, plan for the occasional double room. Staying in dorms with all of your friends is great fun, but it prevents you from having the necessary conversations needed to keep the relationship healthy.

Be aware of the extra cost of double rooms and plan accordingly. At the same time, if you meet people you love along the way, don’t be afraid to stay with them, either!

Finding a Social Balance

Although keeping your personal life private outside of the people you travel with is hard, it is still doable. It’s just up to you to find the right balance.

Oddly enough, it’s easier to make friends when you travel by yourself. Think about it. If you see someone standing alone, or two people canoodling all over each other, who’s less intimidating to approach? The people you interact with automatically see you as a couple, and they become more reserved because you’re already a unit.

Therefore, as the couple, you have to make the effort to either mingle with the singles or find double dates.

To make things easier on yourselves, “go out” together, then “separate” once you’re there.

Whatever you do, just do your best not to seclude yourself. At the end of the trip, making friends is the most important aspect of travel, so be open to that. You’re still a couple at the core, but don’t let that hinder you from having a social life.

The Post-Trip Depression

If your relationship has survived the trip, congratulations!

You’re about to go through a depression.

Don’t worry, though; it’s the same depression most people get when their vacation wraps. Whether by yourself or as a couple, the travel bug possesses you once you get a taste.

Don’t fight the sadness that comes to you. Transitioning back to “reality” is just as much of an adjustment as acclimatizing to all of the foreign cultures you’re now thoroughly accustomed to in the first place.

When you leave and return alone, you feel like no one understands what you’ve been through. That, or it seems like no one wants to hear what you have to say.

Although you get that same response as a couple, the best part of traveling with someone else is they’ll always know exactly what happened. No matter what, in the end, you will always have someone who was with you every step of the way.

Whether you decide to travel alone or with your loved one, just prepare yourself for the journey. The more ready you are for the days that don’t go so well, the more you’ll appreciate that days that run flawlessly.

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Traveling Abroad Vs. Schooling Abroad

The write up for Part 2, Episode 2 of the Life in Another World Podcast episode. The audio and write up for the first part can be found here. 

When you hear the words “year abroad,” what do you usually think? Education? Travel? A world tour or a year in a particular country?

In reality, it could be any or even all of those.

When I was younger and decided to see the world, I thought the only way to travel for a year was to do it through schooling. The prospect of “just traveling just to travel” seemed ludicrous and unattainable --

Until I figured out it was one of the cheapest ways to travel.

On the second part of this podcast episode (check out the write up for part one here), Anna and I move away from our conversation about dealing with death and into a discussion about going to school for a year and traveling for a year.

Studying Abroad vs. Traveling Abroad

Anna set out on an Australian adventure back in 2009. Through CSU International Programs, she studied at the University of Queensland in Brisbane.

Fortunately, since Anna was still a student at the time, most of her grants and scholarships covered her tuition. In the end, she only ended up paying $2,000 out of pocket, and as a prudent saver, that seemed completely attainable to her.

Even though Anna and I took different courses in our treks around the world, we each faced a similar trouble leading up to our journey:

Other people’s doubt.

Our friends and family, though they loved and supported us, didn’t necessarily think we were ready to do what we had planned. I distinctly remember my sister saying, “Don’t you think you should do a smaller backpacking trip before you try for a year long one?”

It isn’t as though we thought our loved ones didn’t support us, but at the same time, we could not be inhibited by their fears. We had enough of our own to overcome.

Choosing to Go

I decided to disappear from my “normal” life for a year because I was tired of it. The routine I’d fallen into didn’t suit me anymore, and I needed to challenge myself so I could grow. Any ideas of remaining stagnant became horrific nightmares throughout my daily life.

When it came to schooling, Anna felt the same way.

Paths in her current education at CSU Monterey Bay didn’t exactly meet the challenges she wanted. It wasn’t that the program was bad, but she yearned for a different taste of education. One that would challenge her in a way that made her realize there were many things on this earth besides her.

For Anna, choosing to study abroad for a year seemed like the only thing that made sense, and with the majority of her finances taken care of, it just worked.

I’d always desired a year abroad myself, but as I said, I never thought I could do it if it wasn’t school-related. I, however, would have had to pay the out-of-pocket international fee in its entirety if I’d gone to school. Since I was fortunate enough to have parents who both afforded and paid for my school, I did not receive any financial aid. Even though my parents could afford my schooling in our home state, one look at the cost for an international student wiped the idea away immediately.

Deciding How Long to Stay

In the early stages of my decision to travel, a year was never even an option. Frustrated with the way my life currently played out, I just wanted to get away for a couple of weeks. Going somewhere for a short period still sounded better than staying put, which was exactly what I needed.

For me, however, that two weeks turned into two months... which bled into three... which transformed into the year-long trip I'd always desired when I discovered New Zealand's Working Holiday Visa.

That, and the fact that going for a year actually turned out to be cheaper than a quick visit.

Who would have thought?

The Impact of Either Decision

As a self-proclaimed nerd, Anna is proud to have traveled for schooling purposes. She loved the ability to study from inside a different culture, and sticking around in one spot for an extended period of time gave way to budding friendships that last a lifetime.

While she was gone, I spent my time watching her in envy. I yearned for the exact experience she had, but it shocked me to hear that she had the same jealousy toward me.

Although she had a great experience and got everything she asked form, Anna never necessarily had the ability to travel around and enjoy the country itself. All of her time was spent on work and school, and outside of a visit to the Great Barrier Reef (as a marine ecologist, she can't miss that, now can she?), Anna was unable to see the rest of the country.

I, on the other hand, scoured every possible inch I could get my feet on in New Zealand. While I was there, however, I still made an effort to get into a school that was denied. The prospect of schooling in a different country still appealed to me, but in retrospect, I'm happy I didn't get tethered to one spot.

Other Culture's Influences on the Mindset

Whether you’re in school or have the ability to travel around, don’t just stick to what’s popular. The information sites only tell you so much, and each location will affect each individual that passes through it differently.

Though I did travel around a lot, I also stayed put in Wellington for a while. There, I was fortunate enough to work inside their Parliament, where I really learned the ins and outs of the country. Before I’d left California, I just clumped “New Zealand” as “New Zealand.” Once I was there, however, I learned each town, village, city, and path is different.

This realization of the depth of the country’s culture paved my way into a different thinking about life:

Every time I’m in someplace new, I’m in someplace new.

Regularly seeing new places opened my eyes to just how unique every place in this world is. At that, no matter where you go, you’ll always be a “foreigner” until you become a “local.” No matter where you go!

When Real Life Stalks You

To all prospective travelers and friends of those who travel, I have a public service announcement:

Just because you’re in a beautiful place that’s not your home doesn’t mean you won’t face any challenges that will challenge you.

For both myself and Anna, this was an obstacle we didn’t know we were going to face. The same people who supported our decision to make this journey expressed a certain sense of resentment once we’d embarked. They felt like they weren’t “as cool as us” or that what was happening in their life wasn’t interesting because they weren’t traveling.

At that, friends back home assume you’ll never be upset or have a “bad day” because they think everything for you is going smoothly.

All of this is wrong on so many levels.

Without expressing any negative feelings toward people who treated me like this, I’d kindly like to explain a few things:

1. Your life, and everything that’s happening in it, still matters to your friends when they’re on the other side of the world. That’s the last sense of normalcy we have to cling on to. Never think you don’t matter.
2. I can still feel like crap in a beautiful place. Life still exists during travels, and it’s not always easy for me, either.
3. Americans don’t travel. Why is that necessary to share? Because of the fact we’re a rare breed, whenever anyone “finds one of us,” they essentially take their opportunity to “ask it every question you’ve ever wanted to know.” America controls the media, and the people around the world watch us with wide eyes and dropped mouths. And no, they’re not all as jealous as we think.
4. “Look at where you are” isn’t a valid thing to say to a friend that’s hurting just because they’re traveling. What would you say to me if I was on your couch? You wouldn’t point out to our hometown and say the same thing.
5. The reason you think everything is “perfect” is because we don’t post negative things on social media. We want people to believe that we’re having a great time. Would you rather your traveling friends go through all of their pain through their statuses? I wouldn’t.

Making the Final Decision

Perhaps you’re considering a year abroad for school. Maybe you’re about to embark on a world tour and will only spend a few days in hundreds of different locations. You might only be able to swing a week, but that’s perfectly okay, too.No matter what, you can expect to walk around in a constant state of wonder. You can expect good days, bad days, support, resentment, and everything else that comes in between.Why?

Because no matter what, as long as you’re traveling, you’re growing.

What you’re used to is not normal for everyone. Traveling helps you evolve, forces you to open up and accept other cultures, and teaches you how to commingle with people around the world. When you immerse yourself in other cultures and experience it for yourself, it’s impossible to avoid being humbled.More importantly, traveling helps you own who you are. You’ll learn about yourself and the people around you, whether you try to or not. Gain all the inspiration you need by living vicariously through other people, but remember, they can’t live your life for you.Now, go out there and learn how to experience and feel it for yourself.

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How to Deal With Death When You're Overseas

Have you ever feared losing a loved one during your travels? A nightmarish notion to some is a painful memory for others. Today on The Life in Another World Podcast, join me and my friend Anna Holder as we discuss how to deal with death from overseas, as well as the differences between a year abroad in school versus a year abroad just traveling.[powerpress]

What is the biggest fear you have that’s holding you back from attaining your dreams?

For me, when it came to traveling, my biggest fear was losing somebody that I loved. I didn’t think that I would be able to handle it if a family member or a friend wasn’t there when I came home. I knew I’d blame myself, feel like it was all my fault, and think that I didn’t deserve to enjoy my life when someone I cared so much about died.

That fear held me back for a long time, and it actually ended up becoming a fear I had to face and overcome.

I know I’m not alone in dealing with death from overseas, and with that, I invited my very dear friend Anna Holder on the show today to discuss dealing with the deal of our grandfathers. To avoid a completely morbid conversation, we also discussed the differences between traveling abroad for a year or traveling as an exchange program. More on the write-up for that can be found here.

If you’ve subscribed to the blog and downloaded your free report of “How to Drop Everything and Go (Without Losing Your Mind),” you may recognize Anna as the person who inadvertently convinced me not to travel for a long time. I experienced watching her lose her grandfather during her year in Australia, and watching her suffer through that instilled that same fear in me. For years, I let it hold me back, and although I had to overcome it in the end, I learned a lot about what I could deal with.

The Deaths of Elmer and Obie

The fear of losing someone is constant, whether you travel or not. The idea of losing someone during your travels, however, imprints a heavy mark on a trip that hasn’t even occurred yet. Any prospect of death is a terrifying notion that we immediately do our best to stamp to the side, but how do we face it when it occurs?

Anna, like myself and so many others, had the same fears before she left. Her grandfather, Obie, told her not to hold herself back. That she couldn’t live her life for someone else, and she needed to cherish the memories she had and live a life that created more.

Two days before I departed, on Easter 2015, my grandmother essentially told me goodbye. She didn’t think she or my grandfather would be around by the time I’d returned, and I embarked on my journey with the fear of their deaths gripping strong at my throat. At that, I hadn’t even been able to say a proper goodbye to anyone in my family because they’d all caught the flu.

For Anna, Obie’s death came close to the end of her trip. For me, I found out about my grandfather’s cancer two weeks into my trip  and had to carry that from the beginning. Six months into my year, I received word about my grandfather’s death.

To Funeral or Not to Funeral?

When a loved one dies, it is customary to then attend their funeral and pay your respects. When you’re on the other side of the world, however, and you’re looking at a 33-hour travel day and a $1400 round-trip ticket, the notion of attending the funeral becomes near impossible.

For Anna, her family encouraged her to stay where she was and not return home. If she had, she wouldn’t have had enough money to finish out her program. At that, in Obie’s dying breaths, he revealed how proud he was of Anna for doing what she was doing. Not many people are able to have the experiences Anna and I had, and we should be proud of what we’ve done.

Unlike Anna, however, my family opted to buy me a plane ticket home for the funeral. Like Anna’s family, mine told me not to blame myself if I didn’t make it — it wasn’t as though the “excuse” wasn’t valid. For me, I didn’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I passed on the opportunity, especially if I wasn’t the one paying for the ticket. 33 hours of travel to pay respects to my grandfather seemed like the smallest sacrifice in the world.

There’s no right or wrong answer in attending the funeral. Not going is something you carry, whether your family tells you to or not. Going, however, made it harder for me to come back and finish my journey. Anna had school to focus on, and a program she needed to finish. At that, she only had a couple of months left before she returned. As mine happened six months into the trip, boarding the plane after the funeral to finish what I’d started turned out to be harder than going in the first place.

The Misconceptions of Others

No matter what, when someone dies, the support of friends and family is what gets you through the experience.

When you’re on the other side of the world, things feel a little different. For both me and Anna, the impact of our losses affected us more than we’d anticipated. A certain vulnerability crept into our minds and brought forth waves of depression. We’d met friends and “had people” in our new countries, but there was no family there to ground us.

At that, talking to friends and family back home became just as hard as talking to strangers. The ones who love you so much think that just because you’re in a beautiful place, everything is love, cuddles, and paradise. Sometimes they overlook the fact that life still happens, regardless of how pretty or ugly the place you’re in is.

It’s hard enough to be a foreigner as it is, and although nobody outright says not to enjoy yourself, it’s much harder to deal with the five stages of grief when you’re isolated and 7,000 miles away from home.

Forcing Yourself to Take No Blame

See? If I didn’t go, he’d still be here. I knew I never should have left. If I had stayed, he’d still be here.

Has the little voice of blame ever possessed your mind? Just as you would when you’re not in a foreign country, you should never blame yourself for what happened.

For me, I went through many stages of blame.

If you’d have just gone when you wanted to, this wouldn’t have happened.

If you’d have just waited until he was dead, this wouldn’t have happened.

Don’t you see what your selfishness has caused?

Don’t you see how this is all your fault?

I never thought it would be as hard as it was to endure what I did, but the biggest lesson I’ve learned in life sprouted because of it:

You can’t wait for somebody to die to start living your own life.

What purpose did I have in blaming myself? Why did I think it was a better option to sit around and wait for everybody I cared about to die before I started living my own life?

In the end, it’s not about you. It’s an occurrence that is out of your control, one way or the other. If you experience death during your travels, know that it would have happened at that very time and date, with or without you. The only way forward is to honor the deceased by finishing what you started and continuing to enjoy your life.

In the process, don’t be afraid to mourn. Grieve, cry, lock yourself in your room for a week and do what you’ve got to do.

But don’t let it stop you.

Be thankful for the things you have and enjoy the people around you. Enjoying them while you have them is far better than waiting for them to die.

How Death Helps us Grow

Despite any topics of real death, when you leave your homeland for a year, a change occurs about six months in. It is then that you realize what you’ve given up, what you’re doing, and how your life has changed. The process is akin to become an adult, where the self-evolvement that occurs transforms you into a well-balanced human.

But how do you go back to your old life? How do you deal with the guilt of not wanting to go home when someone dies?

The truth is, the guilt will be there, and it will probably be something you carry for the rest of your life. No matter who tells you not to blame yourself, part of you always will.

But there’s a positive thing that comes with that guilt.

It’s the voice that reminds you this is just another obstacle you’ve overcome. You’ve faced an experience that tore at your soul, but it’s now become a part of who you are.

There’s nothing you can do when it’s time for your loved one to go. Death is merely a part of life, and although Anna and I, like many others, suffered this grief while abroad, we made our grandparents proud. We held our heads high and continued on in our lives, as they wished for us to do.

And through us carrying on, we carry them inside of us, alive within our hearts.

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The Benefits and Downfalls of Traveling Solo

Ever wondered what it's like to travel solo? Despite all the wide-eyed selfies, it isn't always everything it's made out to be. In this first episode of The Life in Another World Podcast, join me as I reflect on the benefits and downfalls I experienced in my solo year abroad.[powerpress]

You may think that traveling solo sounds easy, or it may be the most daunting notion you’ve ever heard. Truth is, it’s a pretty even mixture of both. Some desire a solo year abroad to learn about themselves and transform into a well-rounded individual. Some may not even choose a year, but embark on hundreds of smaller trips just to get away. Whatever the reasons, there’s benefits and downfalls to facing the world on your own.

Facing the World Head-On

Despite any speed bump you may face along the way, a lot of good things come from traveling solo.

As for me, I had a rough time accepting my role in life. I thought I didn’t deserve happiness, and that my mere existence was in the way to those around me. Through my negative misconceptions about myself, I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone and grow.

Apart from that, as a fantasy author, I was desperate to get into my character’s shoes. I’d released a self-published fantasy book, and the truth was, I hated it. I knew it wasn’t ready, and I knew I’d rushed the publication with my impatience. My jump-the-gun approach to my publication instilled in me a desire to escape. Although I was unhappy with the final product, the story had ignited in me nonetheless. I knew if I whisked myself out of my normal life and put myself in my character’s shoes, far from home and clueless about how to blend, my story would blossom.

To Solo or Not to Solo?

In truth, you should never let a travel buddy (or lack thereof) stop you from doing what you want. Do you have a place in mind that nobody else wants to go to? Go anyway! There’s no right or wrong way to travel, as long as you’re getting out there.

With or without anybody with you, there are always a million factors that play into your decision to go. I fell into the category of being unable to find a travel buddy, as I disappeared for a year. Other obligations and fears may have kept my friends back, but I refused to let their hesitancy stop me.

In a lot of ways, I consider myself lucky. Standing at a firm six-and-a-half feet tall, I knew I could defend myself if I needed to. Not everyone gets that luxury, but you may quickly find that making friends isn’t as hard as you’d think.

How to Bond on the Road

When you’re in a position where you feel out of your element, getting overwhelmed is a given. When you travel to a foreign country, you realize that no matter how much you prepare, culture shock is insane.

At first, you may feel like you’re alone in your disorientation. When I went to New Zealand, even though I knew the cars drove on the other side of the road, my compass switched off. As an Eagle Scout, I had learned all the tips and tricks of wilderness survival. When I went to the Southern Hemisphere, however, I discovered the sun is in the North instead of the South portion of the sky, the moss grows on different sides of the trees, and the Big Dipper doesn’t exist in the constellations.

Thus, I completely lost my sense of direction.

But was I alone in feeling that way?

I thought so, but the moment I opened up to other people in my hostels or on my bus, I found I was far from the only one shrouded in fear. When you meet people who presently suffer that same sense of shock, it’s like you’ve known each other forever.

Everybody chooses different reasons to travel, but learning the similarities and differences between people makes that bonding almost impossible to ignore. You learn that everyone has faced the same million excuses you used to held you back.

More importantly, you realize that even though you’re traveling solo, you’re never truly alone.

What to Do When You Realize You’re Not Alone

Make friends!

Although my personal experience didn’t allow me to have a travel companion, I always ended up with a handful of people to talk to.

At the core, traveling alone is obviously being alone all the time. That purposeful isolation from society forces you to get out of your shell and talk to other people. Want that picture taken of you so you don’t have to selfie it? Buck up and ask that stranger. You may find you don’t need to question yourself or the people around you as much as you did.

There were plenty of times when I wished I had someone with me, but I never knew how strong I was until I put my strength to the test. Every “I can’t do this” weighed me down, but I pushed past it and I connected with people I never even dreamed could have existed.

Learning How to Face Yourself

The prospect of having someone you know at any given time while you’re in a foreign country is, of course, desirable. To have that sense of safety, to never feel so out of place to where every face is just as foreign as the country you’re in.

If you have a partner, though, you then have to either agree on every activity or go off alone anyway.

In the debate between solo versus group travel, no decision is the wrong one. Whether you go alone, with your best friend, partner, or in a group, you’ll learn and grow so much. The relationship with yourself will grow, as well as the relationship with anyone you travel with.

I yearned to have that time alone, forcing myself to look in the mirror every day and face myself no matter what. Traveling solo made me search for my purpose, and locked me deep within my own thoughts until I experienced my metamorphosis.

When the Loneliness Strikes

Solo travel may come with a healthy dose of an I-can-conquer-anything feeling, but not every day is a perfect paradise. Some days require having the best of friends or the closest of family around you, and when you don’t have that, those days are rough.

Likewise, there may be certain places you visit that you wish you had someone to share the experience with. For example, I spent my year in New Zealand waiting for the opportune time to visit the acclaimed Milford Sound. When I finally landed there, after waiting for longer than anybody else who was on the bus, I knew no one. I had just hopped on to that bus for the day, and most of the travelers had been with each other for a while. I stayed behind in Invercargill to head to Stewart Island, and everyone I knew on my bus went forward without me.

The place I was so excited about was still just as beautiful as I’d imagined, but I walked around the boat in isolation as everyone gathered over their cameras to discuss their pictures. Sometimes, small talk doesn’t work as well as it does at other times, and although I’m forever grateful to have witnessed Milford’s beauty, it was one of the hardest solo days I had to endure.

Being Ready to Travel

Not everyone thinks traveling helps you “find yourself” or “become who you were born to be.” I say you have to be ready to grow for travel to really affect you.

When you’re ready to travel and when you choose to drop everything and go, there’s no way you can’t learn about yourself in the process. I had to learn how to entertain myself and make everything I wanted to do happen for me.

That being said, make sure if you are going somewhere alone, you’re going somewhere safe. Make sure people know where you are and that you’re safe. While you’re at it, make safe decision and choices. When you’re in control of all of everything, don’t let your freedom become your poison. You don’t want to end up as one of the horror stories that holds people back from seeing the world.

The Key Aspect to Solo Travel

So, what is the grand finale of traveling solo? What is the purpose? What do you learn?

Nothing more than how to rely on yourself, and believe me, that’s the most important lesson you’ll ever need. I no longer question my place or think I deserve misery like I used to. For me, that’s the greatest gift I could have ever asked for.

I chose to travel because I wanted to stop believing that there was nothing else out there for me. Once I discovered what lay on the other side of the horizon, I learned how to live life to the fullest and make the most out of everything.

The visas and savings and everything that goes into traveling is a daunting headache, but the end result is always worth it. Prepare yourself for the speed bumps that will occur, but realize that by the end, every bad day will be irrelevant.

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