Yoga for Grief: Bargaining
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one; you will learn how to live with it.”
A Recap from Yoga for Grief: Bargaining
So often, we get wrapped up in thoughts of “why” when tragedy strikes. Why did this happen to us? Why did this happen to them? Why does this hurt so much? These questions are a journey within and of themselves, and can frequently lead to trying to bargain with the Powers That Be, whatever that may mean to you, to try and change the sequence of events. If you’re grieving a breakup or a job loss instead of a death, you may try and change the minds of your former lover or employer. On the journey toward acceptance, this is the stage where you spend the most time wishing things were different or hoping you can change what is happening to you. You’ve likely made it through at least some of the denial stage, perhaps you’re dealing with your anger, or maybe you’re struggling between feeling depressed or accepting what’s happening. Wherever you are, the grief yoga practice is here for you.
Today, we tapped into that energy and worked on finding a deeper opening through our heart space. The process of grief can close us off to others, and a sequence of chest openers and backbends can help us tap into the “why” questions on a deeper level. Sometimes, the challenge yoga provides in and of itself can be a “why” question of its own, but the practice offers us the opportunity to relax, come back, and try it again when we feel more ready.
Today’s practice comes with some challenging transitions and some strength, but is meant to leave you feeling more calm and open. While you explore, you may find yourself frustrated at some of the challenges if you find yourself unable to do them. Remind yourself that’s okay, be kind to yourself as you explore, and remember:
It’s okay not to be okay.
Whether that’s on or off the mat, it’s all right if you’re a total mess. It’s okay if you stumble, fall, make mistakes, and try again. It’s okay if you have days where everything is perfect — again, either hitting all the poses and transitions or simply keeping your emotions in check — and equally okay if you have days where that is very much not the case. The challenge becomes keeping your focus on the progression you experience as you explore and letting go of the need to change anything you can’t.
I understand this is hard. All of it is. Grieving will never be easy, and it’s not a linear process. If it were, we wouldn’t need things like yoga to come and help us heal, because we would be able to follow a certain path that would lead us to the same results. What you need to focus on as you explore is the reminder that you should be proud of yourself for even showing up in the first place, for choosing to meet your grief head-on, and for working toward a better place of healing.
As hard as all of this is, just stay proud of yourself for staying strong. If you need permission to do so, you have it from me today.
For further breathwork off the mat, consider alternate nostril breathing
When you’re looking for a place of calm, try Alternate Nostril Breathing. In a nice seated position, take your right hand and place your pointer and middle fingers on your forehead between your eyebrows. Place your right thumb on your right nostril and your right ring finger on your left nostril. Plug your right nostril with your thumb, inhale through your left nostril, then plug your left nostril at the top and release out of your right. Inhale through your right nostril, plug it at the top, then let it go through your left.
Repeat this for a few minutes as you work to align both sides of your brain and bring yourself into a more relaxed state. This may be a challenge if one or both of your nostrils are clogged — which could be an additional challenge if you’ve been crying — but it’s a good practice to do in places like the shower or right before bed or times you may feel a wave of emotions coming on.
If you’re seeking a journal entry, write down all of the things you’d change if you could.
Again, when you’re in the bargaining stage, there’s a lot of “I wish I would have done this differently” or “Things might have changed if only” or any other variation or iteration in between. As stated above, it’s okay to have these moments when you’re not okay or you’re thinking over all of the things you wish you could change about what’s going on.
What isn’t as okay is holding all of that in, because that makes it harder to explore and move through the emotion. Sharing it with others can be complicated and convoluted, but writing it down assures that you get it all out of your head and out into the physical universe. Plus, when you have these tangible journals to look back on, rereading them may help you heal more because you can track how much your emotions have changed along the way,
Then again, if a full release is on your agenda, air out all of your grievances on paper, grab a match, light it up, and let it go. Just do so mindfully so the fire stays contained.
Be sure to check out other Yoga for Grief videos, and if you’re interested in booking the 2024 Yoga for Grief retreat, do so before tickets sell out!
WHAT ARE YOU GRIEVING OR WORKING TO LET GO OF? LET ME KNOW DOWN IN THE COMMENTS! ALL ARE WELCOME HERE.
The last thing you’re likely thinking about during your grief process is anything to do with joy or happiness. Depending on where you are in your journey or whether you’ve gone through any of the other grief yoga videos, you may be more willing to start moving forward into that sense of healing. You also may not, which is equally okay, but it’s what we’ll look at today anyway.