Forever Impacted: The Completion of National Novel Writing Month 2020

**The following is a transcript, best read while listening to the included video.**

Hey guys

How y'all doing today?

I hope you're good.

I hate NaNoWriMo.

I literally wonder how many people…

Today is literally day 15 for me.

It is November 14, but I started on October 31, because of all these stupid daily prompts that I'm doing.

And I've just had a love/hate with some character development this morning, because I've always, I guess, struggled to explain to non-writers how much writing a book affects them.

And there's been days like when I used to work in the hospitality industry, and I would write like a death scene, or a murder scene or something or some sort of emotional scene and like, you carry that with you.

And it's hard to explain, because you really have to, like live in the moment.

And so today, I don't know, I've just been really bummed out because you know, my character and how he has to be the one who carries the torch and is in the lead even when people aren't believing him.

And he has to be the one that believes in the hope that no one else sees.

And I guess, as a writer, that's just how I'm feeling today.

Because I just feel like I'm putting out all this content.

And I feel like it's annoying.

And that's not what I'm meaning by it.

You know, just because I was trying to do it to help uplift people.

Some people are really inspired and uplifted by it.

I don't know, some people are probably annoyed.

I could even just be overthinking a lot of things because I'm new.

But today, I'm just really feeling that kind of like despair that my character is going through, and I'm halfway through on the dot.

And so it kind of sucks.

But I hope the next half of the month picks up.

I mean, I'm moving toward the hope of the part in the book, you know what I mean?

Like now they're moving forward into the area where he's hopeful that things are gonna change.

So I'm hoping that me as the author experiences some of that.

So we'll see what happens over the duration of this vlog.

Thanks for driving by right at the end of my closing statement.

I don't know what I'm going to get write on in.

And today, I'm having a moment.

But I felt like I just wanted to share that sometimes it's hard.

But that's hard.

It's the truth, whether you're sharing your work or not that I mean, it's hard writing a book that nobody's really reading because no one's really reading it in the first draft anyway.

So even though I'm posting it doesn't, some people are, some people aren't.

But this is a normal feeling that I've had writing any book that I've ever had, whether I'm posting and sharing this way or not, because there's just that feeling of like nobody cares.

So I don't know, I have to battle that today.

But also, thanks to the people who do care, because there are some that I can't say nobody, but I think that any content creator knows what I'm saying.

But in the first few months, they're hard to get through sometimes, but we'll see today's writing session goes.

I'm excited about later because later today, I'm going to be recording a video with my friend Eboni.

We're gonna do a super fun character sketch.

I'll probably do a little bit more of a vlog about that later.

But we will see.

So anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

Hi, everybody, how you doing?

I, personally, am feeling better than I did earlier.

This morning was a hard morning.

I don't know, there are times when being a creative person is hard.

I thought about not filming this morning, actually at all.

I did not film the real like break down that happened.

I did think that it would be just beneficial to I don't know…

Anytime you're writing a book, it just feels like nobody cares.

So I just wanted to put that out there.

And this morning, there was a hard moment with that that I got through and now I'm moving on and I'm about to get write on in just for a little bit.

I don't know what today's writing session is going to bring.

I have about an hour and a half to kill before Eboni gets here.

I'm so excited about that because I think it's just going to make me in such a better mood.

I will do my best to get some shots of her on here for this this little vlog that will come out this week.

But the video that we're editing or filming today is not going to be coming out until December, but I'm excited because I'm going to get dressed up and you'll see what I mean soon.

But for right now I'm going to go get write on in.

Okay, well, that was super fun.

I just busted out 1437 words in the 23-minute sprint that I just did.

So that's actually pretty cool.

It's 3:03 right now.

Eboni's getting here at four, I just need to go pick us up some pizza for the night and then I have to start getting dressed up.

So that's gonna be all I can do for now.

I'm sorry if you can hear my fan, I just right now realize that it's on but I don't have time to refilm.

But anyway, I'm gonna go get some pizza and then maybe I'll have time to get more writing in later, but I don't know.

She's also bringing over alcohol, so whatever.

But 1400 words for the day, that's almost the 1667 count.

I only needed 500 words to be on track.

I thought I was a day ahead, but I had accidentally included a couple of my writing prompts into my word count and that was wrong.

So I had 24,500 last night, and I just did the 1400 right now, so there we go.

I think I'm just at about 26,000 for this book.

Halfway point is today.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh, it's only halfway.

Whatever.

Whatever, I'm gonna go have a good night.

Bye.

Wharyou doing?

She's, like, I can't even get you on this right here.

I just want to get all of that.

She found this spot.

Sweet potato.

Oh sweet potato

What's up everybody?

How's it going?

I did not record any message yesterday.

I'm sorry.

That's because Rachel, who's here again, she and I did a livestream on my channel last night, which is still uploaded on my channel and it was actually super fun.

I had a lot of fun doing that.

I've never done a live stream before, and we just wrote for three hours and we had a solid amount of people there right?

Ah yeah, it was a great time.

Yeah.

And so we we are going to do the same thing like but we just did the other night that's already I think in this vlog.

No, she was in last -- you were in last week's vlog.

I don't remember, all of these days getting confusing.

But Rachel and I are just going to write and tonight I am going to remember to have this recording.

Last night I at least remembered to do the screen recordings of my daily writings, as you know because you've already seen that in this vlog.

But the livestream I was not thinking about filming myself.

I was also whiskey drunk so it's fine.

But anyway, we are going to go get right on in because I I want to finish this book by the end of this vlog.

Some chips.

I did -- how many words did you do Rachel?

2836 today so

That's 2000 with you.

2836 today, how much should I do?

I finished my chapter nine, I know that much.

All that, I wrote 2847.

Yay.

Oh, close, the two of us.

Yeah, so great.

And now I'm done with chapter nine.

And I'm almost a third of the way through my book -- two thirds of the way through my book, which means we're two thirds of the way through NaNo.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

I think Piper just loves picking inconvenient times to exist.

What's going on everybody?

I'm about to do another little writing with Rachel.

That's all I have to say right now.

I'll check in more later.

It's only four o'clock right now.

We've been doing these at like nine o'clock and I've been in front of the camera a lot.

So vlogging is like I don't know.

I don't want to talk to the camera any more than I have to right now.

Especially cuz I just leave this like running while I do what I do.

So I'm just like, yeah, here.

I'm here.

Bye.

All right.

Well, that was super fun.

I got 2000 words done basically on the dot.

I think -- I actually have 2034 words.

We've done two sessions for right now.

I don't know, we might do some more later.

Rachel.

How many?

How many did you do?

Well between -- I just 1500 then, in those two sprints.

And then I did almost 800 late last night.

So I'm at 2303 for the day, so I still need to hit like 450 more words to meet my 275 goal.

But you're ahead in NaNo.

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah, Rachel has like 30,000 words.

I'm at 35,220.

I, at least will be writing later.

I don't know if Rachel will be with me or not.

But I still have to go do the writing prompt and everything.

I'm going to take a nap.

It's five o'clock and then I have to get write on in more later.

Yay.

Hi, again.

Back just when you thought you're gonna get rid of me.

I'm gonna come back and get write on in.

I will be meeting with Rachel in a minute.

She's not here right now.

I haven't really talked, like I said earlier, to the vlog much just because I have been on this stupid camera so much that I haven't had a chance to just like talk to it.

This is really crazy NaNo.

Tonight, I'm hoping to finish chapter 10 of my book.

There are 15 chapters planned.

My goal is to do one chapter a day for the rest of the week.

Right now it's Tuesday.

Yeah, and so then Wednesday will be 11.

Thursday will be 12.

Friday will be 13.

Saturday will be 14 and then Sunday, I'll finish hopefully.

And if that is what is going to happen, then this vlog will be late because it won't be on Sunday because I'm going to wait and finish out because I don't want to have a vlog that just has like one or two days, you know, if I'm going to finish it.

Cuz I won't need to continue this once the actual, like, NaNo bit for myself is done.

Because I got these damn damn prompts to keep doing, so.

I think Rachel just texted me, ready to go.

So I will see you guys on the flip side.

Well, that was super fun.

I finished chapter 10, Act Two of my book and it's getting saucy up in this bitch.

So I'm at 37,200 words.

I've had some vodka by the way.

Sad thing, I don't really, I don't even drink that much.

And then I started doing National Novel Writing Month on YouTube.

And now I drink all the time.

But with Rachel, so, how many words did you do Rachel?

2842 today, which brings me to 31,226.

31,226 words that this bitch has written over here!

Yay.

I just want to be done.

Morning.

I haven't done, like, a morning vlog in a long time.

It's 6am.

I just have to do the same thing I've been doing every day this month.

It's day 19.

It's okay.

It's day 19.

It's only day 19?

What's a going on?

It is now 3:15 in the afternoon, where's -- there's --

Where is she?

That's fine, whatever.

Anyway, we're about to do another livestream at four o'clock.

It's 3:15 right now, I'm getting all that together at the moment.

And this time I will remember to at least record this while I record the screen so I can still do the time lapse footage because I don't know, I'm still doing that.

So my Photoshop just decided to freak out and I'm a little bit freaked out.

I don't know why it won't open, I don't know why it shut down in the first place.

I make all of my stupid thumbnails that -- I hate thumbnails in the first place.

If I don't have Photoshop, I don't know what I'm gonna do right now.

It's been, like, 15 minutes, it will not open, it's just frozen on that thing, and I restarted my computer, and it's just not working.

So I would really love it, Photoshop, if you could get it together because I pay for you every month.

All right, well, here's to livesprints.

So okay, I'm talking to the vlog, Rachel's on the phone right now, here's the thing, is that I have been doing every thing off of my external hard drive, and in whatever Photoshop debacle that just happened, I don't know why, but now suddenly my computer is no longer recognizing said hard drive.

So Rachel is here on the phone trying to keep me in the Zendrew breathing mode, because that hard drive currently has everything and this vlog might not ever even get seen.

I don't even know why I'm talking to the camera.

There could potentially be no point.

Oh, my God.

Everything's fine.

I have six minutes until we go live, and then I just right now finished the thumbnail and set everything up.

I've got the livestream all done.

My computer's recognizing my thing again, so it's cool.

So I'm just gonna put this up over here, like I usually do, but like one of the other little writing sessions on this vlog, you can pretty much watch this whole thing happen, but this time, no whiskey.

I'm technically still on YouTube live in the middle of a writing sprint, but I'm done.

So I'm just gonna say goodnight here.

I'm muted so they don't know that I'm being blasphemous.

I'm spending this, this writing sprint here with you saying goodbye.

See you tomorrow.

So I haven't really done much today.

I'm so tired.

It’s like 5:30 but it's already super dark.

This one down here doesn't know that she is getting a b-o-n-e and let's -- see, soon as I pull out the camera she moves away from me.

But I wanted to grab her reaction because I bought her a mega bone.

I've been doing all my own reactions this month and I've been trying to get her on camera this whole entire time and she hates it.

She always runs away.

She's so rude, but I really wanted to get a reaction to this bone.

Okay, I'm outside right now.

This is the bone, so it's huge.

I'll go write on in and give it to her.

Also, Canon g7x mark ii night scene.

Good lighting.

But now let's go see how she reacts to it.

It's like so slimy.

See the slime?

Wha's dah?

What is a big bone?

What is this?

It's big as you.

That's as big as you.

Where'd you get that?

Where'd you get that?

Piper?

Can you at least -- can you say thanks?

Can I get a kiss?

Can you give me a kiss?

Can I?

Can you say thank you to me?

Can you say thanks?

I have some on my hand for you can lick it off.

Piper.

Hey, can I have a kiss?

Do you see how she ignores me?

She's so rude.

How you gonna eat that?

What is up to everybody?

It's 10:11, I'm on with Rachel again.

Oh, you can see her in my glasses.

There she is like literally -- oh, she's waving

We are gonna do a little night sess.

It is midnight for her.

It is 10 for me, and when we are done, it will be midnight for me and time for me to watch the series finale of Supernatural.

And I heard that it was really sad already.

There was Miss phasered, Tara from her little livestream the other night, she was already talking about how she was a mess.

She said she literally hadn't cried that hard since her dad died.

I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna handle this.

So I'll let you know, but first I gotta get write on in to almost being done with getting write on in to this book.

What up?

I finished my chap and stuff.

Your chap.

Chapter 12 of The Fight to Save the Future.

I have three chapters left.

I'm trying to shoot for three days left of the bullsh*t before I can be done.

I don't hate it.

Now I'm getting to like the end -- the climax, if you will -- and so I'm just ready to let em duke it out.

Let them fight it out.

Let the solution come, and get write on in with being done with his mother.

Bye!

What is up everybody?

It is only two o'clock in the afternoon.

I'm about to go get write on in with Rachel and then I think I'm gonna just chill out for the night

Maybe I'll go try and watch a movie with that one over there.

Hey, Piper, you want to watch a movie?

You want to watch a movie later?

Well, anyway, I'm gonna go write with Rachel, get it over with and I've already done the prompt.

I'm not releasing this vlog until next week since I'm going to finish the book on Sunday.

I'm still on track for that, which is great.

And then yeah, I think I really will be just watching a movie and enjoying my Friday night.

Oh my goodness.

What is that like?

Also, just because I don't think I'm gonna include it in this actual vlog, I did record my reaction to the Supernatural finale.

And what I will say is that I had texted my friend who has not yet seen it as of this recording, and I told her if you did not like that send-off episode, you are not a fan.

I then get on the internet and find out apparently I'm the only fan with Tara over at phasered.

So thanks, Tara.

And the critics, it's like the first time I've ever agreed with the critics.

But the fans say that it's like a Game of Thrones-level bad ending.

There's no way you'll ever ever convince me of that.

But I have a Supernatural season tier ranking video coming out soon.

I was just waiting for said final episode before I made final rankings.

So stay tuned for that.

I can't wait to have my first argument on YouTube.

Oh my goodness, I'm almost done.

I've got 45,250 words, I hope, because every time I keep thinking I'm close to that 50,000 I keep finding more documents that I have accidentally checked to include into this word count.

And this time that happened and I lost 3000 words.

So it's fine.

It's not a big deal.

So it's fine.

I just have two chapters left.

I've 4700 words to make it happen.

Like I said in my livestream the other night, I basically designed this stupid story that I love to be like 50,000 in one words, and it's literally looking like it's gonna be like 50,000 and maybe three, so we'll be done soon enough.

And so will Rachel for her first ever book.

How's it going everyone?

It's like, I don't know, five o'clock, only five o'clock it's just so, so dark.

I hate this at the frickin winter time.

I'm here with Rachel again.

We're just gonna do another writing session.

Tomorrow is gonna be our livestream and that's what I'm gonna finish this book.

So I have two chapters left.

I've only got 4800 words left until I hit the 50,000 so I'm pretty much just gonna like do 2500 in this chapter and 2500 in the next chapter, and then I'll be done with this book.

And that's pretty exciting to me.

And then I'll trim up my neck because I decided that I was just going to wait until the end of the writing of the book, and then I'll trim my neck because and that's like the whole novel impact thing or whatever, whatever.

So that'll happen tomorrow.

And that's exciting.

So let's get write on in for the second to last time.

Okay, so I, I really my this book literally might be like 50,001 words, I have 2720 words left.

And I just have one chapter if I need to make an epilogue.

But I still think that that's pretty good for having constructed this book out of my ass from scratch out of a random generator just on YouTube.

But I am very, very close.

I'm very, very close, very, very close to being done.

What is going on everybody?

I'm about to write the end of this book.

I cannot wait to be done with this book.

It has been a fun journey.

But I'm definitely ready for it to be finished.

I am currently wearing the exact same shirt that I wore the night that all this started, I have purchased a bottle of the same wine that I drank the night that all of this started and I'm about to do a livestream with Rachel and Lezlie, even, The Nerdy Narrative is coming to hang out with us for a little bit.

I'm literally so excited that that just makes it a one time thing all worth it.

She's so great.

I'm so happy that she's gonna not even just like hop on and be in the comments.

But like proper, like, come and say hi on the live stream that makes me super happy.

So I'm not going to this, this bottle of wine will be done by the end of the day.

But it's also only 10:50 in the morning right now.

So I will just be pouring myself a glass to finish the book with celebration.

And then after that, it's Sunday funday.

Okie dokie, this book is DONE!

Oh, my God, I'm so excited.

Oh, my God, it's done.

It's done!

And it was 50,008 words

I literally, I've said it.

I constructed this book to be 50,000 words on the dot from scratch out of a generator man, and I'm currently having, this is the first glass, okay, I'm not over here drunk.

I'm literally just excited.

But I am finishing off with a glass of the wine that started this book, wearing the same shirt that I was wearing now, what, three months ago and I randomly put those generators in the genre or the genres and the generators.

So I'm glad that I'm finished with this book now.

Wow.

Wow, this has been such a crazy journey.

And just in case anyone has made it this far in the vlog, because I know this one's longer than normal since I added on yesterday and today since I was finishing none of this, I have not had one private moment with this book.

I don't really know how else to explain that.

I feel like I've said that, but I feel like people don't really understand what that means or what that feels like.

But regardless of who has or has not been reading, or watching or who may or may not ever come around, but this whole book is on my YouTube channel on my website from scratch, like from conception to completion, and I didn't have any time alone with it.

And that was, I don't know how to explain that to people, especially to other writers, because I don't really know any other writers who have done this this way.

Like we share our work, obviously, but I I've just never seen someone else do it from like, I just got the idea right now all the way through to the end.

So it's it really has been hard to explain to people exactly how much pressure I have felt.

Even though I am still a small channel even though I don't have a huge following even though I only have a few people who have been reading me and watching me and I'm really grateful for the support that I have had.

It's one of those things where like even one pair of eyes is a pair of eyes and it just stresses me out.

But I'm gonna go clean up the neck beard because now that this NaNo experience is done, this whole novel impact thing is done, this is what I look like at the end.

I'll do some sort of side by side comparison of what I look like when I started versus now.

It's crazy that it's only been three weeks because I feel like I look nine years older, like with -- this beard grew in so thick and so fast and with such a vengeance but oh my god, I am done.

Oh, my God, I'M DONE!

I can't believe these are real horse names.

This is a transcript for the included video, best read while listening along.

Mr. Saturday Night?

Why would you name your horse Mr. Saturday night?

Your horse??

What's going on everybody?

How y'all doing out there?

Welcome back to my channel.

My name is Andrew, for those of you who do not know, and today, I am just going to carry on with my review of/dragging of my 2014 self and the old writing videos that I used to put out during National Novel Writing Month of 2014.

This is also day 18 of No Shave November, and my neck beard especially is strong, and to the jury is still out as to whether or not I can or should shave it.

I did check the official rules over on the No Shave November website, and it does say that if I need it to shave for work to keep it clean, then I can, but I don't necessarily think that that is a must for this.

And my friend Rachel says that I have committed and I must carry forward with the neck beard through November, and Lezlie at The Nerdy Narrative and Hunky Hubby Chris tell me that they think that I should go ahead and just clean it up.

So let me know in the comments what you think.

But as soon as November is done, I am done with this debate.

And I also don't know why this middle of November decided to turn into a summer day, but it is toasty, so I have dressed down for this occasion.

Anyway, that's enough blabber about all that for now.

Let's just Get Write On In!

All right, welcome back, everybody.

So, I'm back just on my Andrew J. Stillman channel over here.

There are three videos left.

Today, I am doing one, and then in a few days I'll be finishing off with the last two. The -- one of them is 13 minutes long on those last two, so I'm not really sure how that's gonna go.

But this one's only five minutes long today.

So that shouldn't be that big of a deal, I hope.

But the title is called, "On Horses and Proper Grammar," and this time I actually think --

I haven't set up the screen recording yet, I know, here

This time I think I'll actually leave in this is the channel right here.

Yay.

And the title and everything.

I usually just leave in the screen, but here's what it all looks like.

I mean, I'm gonna give myself a like, why not?

I am subscribed to myself.

But whatever.

This channel, this channel is funny.

But anyway, this is called, "On Horses and Proper Grammar."

And before I get in, I have a prediction because I don't exactly remember what happens in this video.

But I'm pretty sure, especially because of the part that talks about on horses, I'm pretty sure that I named a horse maybe in this video.

Or I did this video because of a horse I had just named for this book.

This book.

I had given the horse that my main character, Donovan, was riding around and it was named Myotomo.

And when I went to New Zealand, I was staying at a house with this lady named Ruth, and she was so nice and so amazing.

And she was helping this guy out on his farm and there was this horse that she was helping him name because it was kind of wild.

And I was talking about how the horse looked like Myotomo and Ruth was just like, "Oh, it's interesting that you say that."

Because where we were in New Zealand was called "Waitomo," and she was like, "Tomo is cave."

And that's, like, what Waitomo is known for is the glow worm caves.

And so she was like, "I think that like if you're cool with it, I named this horse Myotomo."

And so we had a horse named Myotomo in New Zealand.

I've probably…

In this journal here somewhere, I don't know.

Where's Ruth?

The cow!

That's a whole different story.

Yeah, okay, right here I found it in my my New Zealand journal.

"The guy who owns the farm of the horse that houses Myotomo that I got to name."

Anyway. Let's see if that's what happens in this video.

What am I even, like, waiting around for?

I'm so stupid.

Hello again, everybody. Welcome. Welcome back to my NaNoWriMo podcast kind of I guess.

I've got --

Podcast. Okay.

--my root beer and French Vanilla.

Go get you some.

I should have got me some.

I didn't get me some root beer and French vanilla.

I even found out on the last one.

I should have done it, whatever.

And I am about 24,000 words in right now.

It's day six of NaNo.

So with actual NaNo being 50,000 words, and I'm at about 24,000, I'm about halfway through NaNo within the first week.

But we've already discussed that I'm crazy and I'm doing 84,000 words.

So, I still have 60,000 words to go.

I feel like I like my beard in this.

Like, and now that, like, when I first was doing these reaction videos

was when I had first shaved off for No Shave November.

So now that, like, I have a full beard.

I mean, obviously like I'm kind of self conscious about this part because it's like super obvious now that I have major neck beard.

But I had this thing, this, like I said, this was a new beard, but I have this, so, I had this thing nice and clean when I first grew it out.

So props to past Andrew for beard cleanliness.

So I almost haven't even started NaNo yet.

So I was going through the introduction to the ice kingdom yesterday, which is going to be called Parnalder, if you didn't know.

Who would have known?

Who would have known that, Andrew?

Who would have known that?

Who knows that now?

If you've read the first book, if --

You do, now, by the way.

Whoever you on the other side of the screen, whoever you are. Now you know that I have an ice world called Parnalder.

-- and mentioned to Vivandria being a serious bitch.

Vivandria!

I remember Vivandria!

Hold on, what did I just say?

If you've read the first book, there's a mention to Vivandria being a serious bitch.

She is.

I wrote her introduction yesterday.

She is on fire, but not really cuz she's frozen.

So, I don't know, I have to think of a different --

She is!

She's a bioootch.

She's, she's cold.

She's a cold, hard, bitch.

Also, if -

She is! I was very forceful about that.

I feel like now I would I would try to do like what I just did, like she's a biotch.

But back then, I was like, "No. She's a bitch."

Oh man, but she is seriously.

If you've read Immortality Awaits.

In the same scene in chapter eight, nine?

Chapter nine, when they go off --

Wait, hold on.

Immortality Awaits, chapter nine.

What's going on in chapter nine?

I know what's going on, okay, where where am I?

--to retrieve the first object from Liarda?

Okay.

Gabrielle promises her horse that if she makes it out of alive, she will name it.

Wait, wait, I haven't found that.

Here we go.

Found it.

Okay, page 126, "'Be good boy,' she said as she rubbed his nose."

This book is so terrible.

"'If I make it back in one piece, I promise to give you a name.'"

Okay, okay, now I'm caught up with what I'm saying in this video.

-- her horse that if she makes it out alive, she will name it.

She made it out, but she lied.

So yesterday, I was on the phone with my sister, and she likes horses.

She'd always wanted one whenever we were a kid.

And I gave Gabrielle another horse for their journey and decided that she needed to name it, because she made a promise that she didn't keep up.

So I asked my sister to give me a letter. and I went through to try to find a couple of horse names.

There's actually a website, well there's a lot of websites, but there's just this one in particular that I went to and I just found the oddest names for horses.

Hold on.

Okay, so "find names for your horses."

Is this where I went?

And in fact is this what I did?

I think this is what I did.

Oh, it is, because I already remember talking about Midnight Express in this video.

So I would love to go through that right now to see what kind of horse names I find, but I'm now curious as to what names I talked about that day.

Baywatch Babe.

Apple Jacks.

Make Me A Star.

Be My Valentine.

These are horse names that I just found on that place, okay.

Good As It Gets.

Captain Canada.

Bite My Dust.

Expecting to Fly.

I will say, at least I, like, as awkward as I still am in these videos, that I was progressively getting less awkward from the first one, which I think is also the same that I would say still for this channel, as well.

So that's funny.

Magic Star Pusher.

Mr. Nibbles.

Auto Rotate.

Batteries Not Included.

But seriously, who, who would give that to their horse?

"Hi, this is my horse, 'Batteries Not Included.'"

I'm sorry if you're an equestrian and if that makes sense.

And if I'm just wrong.

I apologize.

I don't get that one.

Here's a weird one: Tailor Made Fantasy.

Oh, that is kind of a weird one.

Mr. Saturday Night.

Ain't Misbehavin'.

Why would you name your horse Mr. Saturday Night?

Your horse??

An Affair To Remember.

Why would you name this to your horse??

I don't understand!

I'm not surprised that I made this video, actually.

Now on reflection of this, I'm not surprised that I put out stuff like this.

That's like, "Excuse me! Why are you naming your horses Mr. Saturday Night and An Affair to Remember??"

I'm scared to keep watching this video, but it's almost over.

I went with Midnight.

Midnight?

Midnight!

It's the horse name I chose for Gabrielle.

Gabrielle was Midnight, Donovan was Myotomo.

In light of grammar, I went and typed "whom" she had named Midnight.

And then I didn't know if that was actually a grammatically correct sentence or not.

That would definitely be something I would get caught up in, in the first draft stage.

But that's because it wasn't my first book.

So if it's your first book, just write it.

And who cares if it's grammatically correct or not?

And you go back later.

I was also 24,000 words in on day six.

So I definitely had some time to kill during this NaNo.

--because I didn't know if you use "whom" for a horse.

Believe it or not, I'm not the only person who has Googled that.

And it came up as one of the searches, "Do you use "whom" for a horse?

But mostly whatever it comes to is yes.

Yes, you can use "who" or "whom" for an animal.

They can be considered, I guess a person?

Obviously, this was recorded before I had my dog.

Oh, the little baby.

Oh, who's the wittle baby?

Anyway, I think that sounds better than that.

This is what we call a complication of the editing phase.

This is also what happens when you write 25,000 words in six days.

There's this little thing called sanity, and it just seems to dwindle.

Well, I think that's about it for today.

So, thank you for watching and listening.

If you're taking part in NaNo, I feel you.

Keep plugging.

We'll do this.

It'll happen. It'll be done soon.

Please.

I feel that right now on November 17th 2020 so much more than I felt that on November 6 2014, let me tell ya.

Don't name your horse Mr. Saturday Night.

I still agree with that right there.

Don't name your horse Mr. Saturday Night.

That's a terrible name for a horse.

That's, like, a really, like, that's, like, two men and a horse.

And like that guy that died or something because… he probably named that horse Mr. Saturday Night. And then like, it's so stressful. I don't know what to… I don't know what… I don't like that.

Okay, anyway, that one wasn't as bad as any of the other ones.

I'm also glad that it was short.

The next one will be longer just because it's going to be two of them, because I didn't want to stretch these out into five videos.

And that last one, I'm pretty sure it will just be a quick little recap.

And I don't think that I'm going to be as sad at the end of these videos as I was at the end of my blog, because I'm pretty sure I just kept these videos during that NaNo.

And once that NaNo was done, I was just like, yeah, okay, that was fun.

So like, there was only five, whereas like my blog was, like, I had put so much work into that.

And that was something that I really screwed myself over on, I feel.

But, I think the next one will be fun to wrap it all up.

And then it's weird also, then that that's going to wrap it all up, because that'll be the end of this month of self reflection.

And believe me, yo, it's been crazy.

Thanks so much for watching.

Thanks for being here today.

If you haven't seen any of those other reaction videos, they're interesting.

I don't know, I like the blog ones myself, just because it's been fun to go back down past things that I've written, including my poetry and reading from my poems out loud and like whatever.

It's been a fun journey.

So thanks for being here and I will see you all…

I don't know, I'm here every day this month.

Why I stopped sharing my work (and why you should always keep going)

This is the transcript, best read while listening to the video above.

Oh my hell! What is this picture? Oh lord, oh no, no!

Hi everybody!

How you all doing out there?

I hope this video is finding you well.

My name, for those of you who do not know, is Andrew.

And first of all, I would like to apologize if you can see last night's mascara.

I was filming a scene with my friend, E. Ardell, who I will link down in that description box.

We did a little character scene, that's gonna be coming out on my channel next month.

It was super fun, I'm super excited about that.

We got to get all dressed up.

But I don't have makeup remover, so I still have got my little eyeshadow on from my steampunk costume.

And I just wanted to get that out of the way before anyone asks if I'm wearing makeup, because yes I am.

Second of all, this is gonna be the very last of my blog reactions.

I'm pretty excited about that.

I have two other blog reaction videos, and at the moment I have two other video reaction videos of me just going through some of my old stuff; writings, and writing videos, and things that I've done in the past on my little journey to reconnect with myself through this National Novel Writing Month 2020 adventure.

So, I don't really want to waste too much time over here, because I know Lezlie, over at Nerdy Narrative, loves these videos so much.

So, I'm just not gonna waste any time, Let's Get Write On In!

Alrighty, welcome back everybody!

Like I said earlier, this is going to be the last of these blog reaction videos that I do.

I was gonna have today just be the second half of 2013, and then do one more video for 2014.

But 2014 only has a couple of posts and I don't want to drag this out any longer than it needs to be done.

Because I have some non-NaNoWriMo self-reflection content that I'd love to get right on into.

So, we are just gonna finish this out today, and honestly I don't really know how this one's gonna end.

I will be reflecting on why I quit my blog.

This… it happened right after I published this, and I've been talking a lot on this channel about the trauma that I feel from publishing this book, so I feel like today that's gonna be something that's brought up.

But I'm hoping that the memories in the meantime, are just as exciting as they have been so far, because this has been a super fun little project that I randomly decided to do.

So, I'm grateful that YouTube, and anyone who's been watching me, has allowed me to get this all off my chest.

Okay, so here we are and again we're starting here with this, What Your Non Starbucks Barista Is Thinking.

And if you did see my last blog reaction video, you might remember that I had these little series of posts that I had written about what your server is really thinking in the restaurant, what your barista is really thinking when you go out to get your coffee in the morning.

And when I was a barista, I was not a Starbucks barista, and I had a lot of people who just didn't care about that, I don't know.

So, there's definitely, I feel like, a lot of baristas out there who don't work at Starbucks, who with this one, would probably, like, feel what I was saying a lot.

But the biggest one I think that definitely bothered me was always just that whole grande, venti, tall.

I know that was out of order, or whatever, but I would really hate it when people would order like that, and then get kind of like upset with you if you didn't do it like that.

So, I don't know, that always left a sour taste in my mouth.

In the same vein that I just made this little character video with my friend Eboni yesterday, I would love, in the future, to act out these little scenes with some actors, and bring them more to life, because I do think that they were really funny.

So, what is next?

Oh here we go!

This is obviously another one where I was complaining about… Well I don't really like kids, first of all, so those of you who call me Tom Ellis, Lucifer, that is definitely the most, like, in common character trait he and I would share, Lucifer, I would say, is our not-happiness with children.

I mean…

"Children. What a breath of fresh air.

A carbon copy of the parents. Cute, cuddly, smiley. Playful, inquisitive, pristine.

Or the worst STD known to man."

My nephew, if you're watching that, this was written before you existed, sorry.

But this was a whole thing about how annoying it is to serve children in restaurants.

And not just children, but children who have really not present, or kind of annoying parents.

That was really the problem.

It's the same thing, kind of, like, with dogs.

It's hard to really blame the dog sometimes, when the truth is, it's the dog owner that is the problem.

So, I feel the same way about parentals with their children.

And not every parent is bad, so don't get me wrong.

It's just the bad ones that make posts like this happen, from writers like me.

A Pre-Midlife Crisis, at age 24, wow!

I wonder what that was like, when I have one of those basically every day still at 30.

Skillet: RISE -- the Album Review.

So, this isn't actually… I just bring this up because, obviously this is music review, duh, Skillet is my favorite band.

I… I've talked about that, kind of, maybe, maybe not.

But I bring this up because this was my most viewed / visited article on this whole entire thing, and it was a very in-depth, as you can see, I wrote about every single song, everything going on, I loved this album when it came out and, yeah.

So, this was my top, like, viewed I guess, I don't know even though.

There wasn't that much interaction with it, but that's just the only reason I brought that up.

I want to know what my midlife crisis was!

Cursing up on here, oh look at that!

24 did always seem like a good age to me, like, when I was younger.

Aww, their early 30s.

Oh, and I was reminiscing about what it was like… or reminiscing, envisioning what it'll be like when i'm in my 30s and i've got all my [ __ ] together.

So funny!

"When you're a kid and 30 seems so far and so old"

Yes!

Oh, "At this point, I would love to be in my 30s."

Look at that!

Well, listen Andrew in 2013, you're talking to yourself from your 30s now, and there's some things that you're kind of stupid about.

But it's all right, so it's cool.

The whole 20s thing is overrated.

But I definitely agree with all of that.

So, yeah, this is basically just a whole vent about how much I hated my 20s when I was 24 years old.

scoffs

Before any of my 20s had even really hit me.

That's hilarious.

And now I am 31, that is my current age as of this.

I… I think that's funny and I think it's funny that I wanted to be in my 30s, and here you are [ __ ].

Why Turkeys Are Served on Thanksgiving.

This I already know, that this was one of those random ass stories, where…

First of all, this is a question that I could have, now that I've opened this up.

Did you know turkeys can fly?

Because they can fly, and they're huge.

And this story I can tell you now, that I just… now that I've opened this up and I have this.

There were turkeys that… where I was living, at the time of writing this, there was turkeys that were fighting, and flying outside of my second floor window, on my ledge.

And they were doing it on a daily, like, 6 a.m basis, for, like, two weeks before I finally snapped and wrote this post.

Them turkeys man.

They fly, so if you ever see a turkey and they're fighting, you run!

They fly, like, they are… they will fly at you, and they're crazy.

Here's another daily prompt, shameless promotion.

9 Things I Miss About the 90s!

Oh my gosh!

What was that?

Animorphs, yes!

I… it's outside.

Yesterday, I was actually in my garage, going through my boxes of books that I have kind of showed around here, on the channel.

Because I'm putting my little TBR together, for the readathon on Shelf Space next month.

And I was out in the boxes…

I'm trying to see if I pulled any of them out, but I would love to finish out my collection of this series.

Every time I go to buy it, they've just re-released, like, the first 10 with either new covers or there's audio books now, for the first 10.

I want to actually go through and find out which ones I need but I would love to have a full and complete set of this.

And I would love to read them all, because I never got to get through them.

And wow, that's so funny.

Harry Potter.

Okay, well I don't necessarily miss Harry Potter because it's still…

Rocket Power!

Yes!

Yes, I am here for Rocket Power.

Otto was my hero.

I was there for Rocket Power.

That was, like, the one tv show that I watched when I was a kid that read all the time.

I was like Rocket Power, Wishbone, and sometimes Rugrats.

That's when… that's when you'll find me in front of the tv, and Arthur!

Oh, Rugrats!

There it is, there we go.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, still, kind of, maybe don't miss because I watch it still, all the time.

I was watching it, I think, the other day when I was doing a writing session, I don't know.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Sad that this isn't here, but I actually…

This is just the only one I can find right now, but I own this on DVD.

I bought like a bootleg copy off of ebay forever ago, so I still watch this show sometimes too.

But this was some good… I loved Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Yes! So good!

Oh oh oh oh this is All That.

Yes!

I'm so here for that.

Keenan and Kel, The Amanda Show.

Who loves on soda? Yeah, Kel loves on soda.

Oh 90s, that was a good jam.

I like… I grew up in the 90s, I was born in '89, so the 90s is like my… my jam.

I was unaware painting was such a loud event.

What was happening to me?

All these little dogs.

Oh!

So this, I guess, is about a construction man who was afraid of these two little puppies because they broke a pipe, screwed everything up.

What else is new?

Out with the old, ooh ain't nobody got time for that.

Okay oh!

Dad's been in the hospital in 2013.

Still some things never change.

Love you, Dad!

You're in the hospital all the time, though.

What happened?

Out With the Old.

Oh, quarter life crisis again.

Is this my…?

Oh, this is… this is a car that I bought.

If I could backtrack in time, I'd tell my whiny, 16 year old self the same thing, I have my whole life in front of me. I could throw up, but it's so funny.

Well, I bought a new car.

That was what that was all about.

But I don't have that car anymore, so it's fine, not a big deal.

On Writer's Block and Loving Your Work.

Ooh I wonder what this is gonna be about?

I wonder.

Oh it's my hundredth post!

Okay how exciting.

Eleven months on the blogosphere, holy wow!

Writer's block, when your imaginary friends won't talk to you.

Okay that's some truth, that's an actual truth, I wasn't lying about that

…story after story after story the importance of loving your own work…

Okay so this is just all… just advice that younger Andrew was just like "See guys, just go love your work, and just be part of yourself, and anything you do is just gonna be amazing, and just don't let it ever stop you."

And then I like went and cried my life away, because i'm a little [__].

What's next?

Git-r-done.

Alright, git-r-done.

Music to My Ears.

The Dark Side of the Dolla.

That was another… I talked about this guy, Jeff, before.

We used to do some collab posts, he was so funny.

I wish that his website was still around, so I could like show that.

Oh of the coffee mug!

I've talked about this coffee mug, the one that i stole from Borders when it was still around.

Oh my hell!

What is this picture?!

Oh lord! Oh no! No!

This is… this is a real picture that exists on the internet.

Okay, first of all that shirt, I don't know where that shirt is but… that is a Mountain Dew tank top because… yeah I was wearing that bro tank what in the…?

By the end of your novel you're gonna look something like this.

I, well, you know, I agree.

Oh my gosh, this is so funny.

So this is just about finishing your novel.

What else is new?

I was back there just trying to tell people, “You just go write! You just go get ready.”

This was August, but it doesn't even matter.

You just go write whatever the [ __ ] you want.

Music to my ears, what is going on?

Oh, Lindsey Sterling, all right.

I-I discovered Lindsey Sterling, I discovered The Civil Wars, I wanted to let people know that that was great writing music.

I still, I list — I literally listened to The Civil wars last night at midnight because I couldn't sleep.

So I put on Barton Hollow, I put on Poison and Wine, I put on some of their hits.

I love The Civil Wars.

I’m so sad that they broke up, but it's fine, because… that's fine.

It's fine.

It's not fine, but out of my control.

I’m pretty sure this is just gonna be a hate…

Oh, okay, hold on .a

“At 23-years-old,” who’s… who's this guy… This guy… Aaron Hernandez!

That’s… I think this was before Aaron Hernandez…

I think he wrote this about when Aaron Hernandez killed that one guy when he was drunk and this was before he’d, like, committed suicide or any of this.

Wow.

“In 2012, Hernandez, a 23-year-old once tight end (that wasn't a prison joke but it can be if you want) for the New England Patriots earned a 12.5 million dollar signing bonus on top of the five-year extension he'd gotten with his contract.

At 23-years-old, this guy made more money by signing his goddamn name that I’ll ever see in my entire life.

If I were at that age, and I just earned that money, this would be on my list of things to do: Buy an awesome house, buy a sweet ride, and bitches.

Buy an awesome house, buy a sweet ride, bitches, and shoot someone in the fucking face was Aaron's list.”

Dang, that's so funny and crazy that he wrote that before!

Uh, yeah, I’ll hear Jeff the scene you go to client and then it doesn't exist.

Oh, he was, uh, that's weird… “Guest post Andrew Doo Doo.”

So I wrote this on his… but what did I write about?

But it was…

What is about doo do?

Oh, you can't read it because it's not there anymore.

It's there??

He's here??

I found him?!?

Can I get in contact with him????

Hey, all of my these are all of mine!

Wow, he's here!

I’m happy that that just happened, but I still want to know about this doo doo.

What was doo doo that I was writing about?

What's happening here?

I know what was happening here.

That was the story that I wrote because it was about the first memory that you ever had. And the first memory I ever had was… taking a poop.

That's what it was about, just me taking a poo in my diaper and remembering it from when I was three.

Wasn’t… so this was… this was when I was closing in august 2013, this was when I was getting ready, oh, my gosh…

This was a cover that I made for this book.

Obviously, it changed a lot before it actually hit.

I don't know where this book is, like, I had all of these drafts of this book and I was going to bring them out on the show but I cannot find them.

I didn't find them in any of the boxes.

I wonder if they're…

So, I-I didn't find those books that I was just looking for, but I did find some of my Animorphs books.

Ooh, and I even said… oh this has got a little… join us!

Join us!

So that's cool.

I probably have, like, 45 of these, but I do kind of want to, like, get like I said, get together the ones that I have so that I know which ones I need and then start reading.

But anyway, what was I doing?

This is just a cover art and synopsis.

Got it.

What's next?

Foam rollers and water pillows.

So, foam rollers.

I still have mine… I won’t get it out, but I still have my foam roller.

This was when I discovered a foam roller, I had a water pillow, I’m just now at this current time remembering that I had a water pillow and thinking about, like, “Wow, I kind of want to get a water pillow again.”

Because it was freaking amazing.

I remember this.

It was nice and squishy, and then you just lay down like that, and then it's just, like, all around in your head and you just move around and it's like a water bed, but a water pillow, but it gets moldy.

And I think that that's why I ended up throwing it away, because it was all moldy and nasty.

You don't need the mold and the nasty.

Happy Birthday Artist Mindset!

How cute!

I only celebrated it once, because then I quit.

How fun.

And then that was a copy of this before it looked like this, and that was a thick-ass copy because that was almost twice the size of the one that I actually published.

“On being an emerging author,” this one should be good.

What we got in this bitch?

“If you're a beginning writer, I highly recommend trying out NaNoWriMo.”

Apparently, some things, again, just don't ever change.

Oh, being an emerging author.

Oh, what were my cover options for the book?

Is this when they were changing?

This was!

Ooh, okay, so, I had this is an option, this is…

This is, I think that's not the one that became out there, but okay.

So this, this… that was the first option, okay, what else we got?

This one, oh I liked this one, but it just didn't end up working for what I was trying to do with the actual story.

What else is new?

I don't know.

This one, yeah, I liked this one a lot.

My friend Richie made those.

I think he did a great job.

Guys, we're moving on to the last page of this blog, and then it's gonna be over, and that's gonna be weird.

Ah, this has been, like, a weird reflection, but super nice.

This blog that we've been going through is kind of, like, the ultimate idea of, I guess the content that I would want on this channel.

Where it's kind of like a mix, like you've seen movie reviews and book reviews.

I actually — no book reviews in here, but there was music reviews and all sorts of different types of writing, we've seen my poetry, and we've seen all that other stuff.

I have the writing advice stuff that's kind of interspersed, but this is, yeah, the idea, I guess, that I would want to have more of in going forward.

It’s just this type of, um, content.

Okay, so what's going on on this very last page?

Oh, here's a couple… oh, here's a poem.

Okay, I’m gonna, what is this?

Oh, wow.

“The walls tell their secrets
Their song fills my ears
I have chosen this path once before
It damaged me greatly
Ink splatters on my fingers
As the walls encourage the words
Life's path presents many opportunities
And one must always learn and grow”

Some of that actually spoke to me still right now, seven years later.

That's cool.

The calm before the storm, where did 2013 go?

“I’m welcoming 2014 with open arms.”

Me too!

Can we go back to 2014?

Because I’m over this 2020 bullshit.

This is me just getting ready to put out that book that was gonna come out in five months from this.

I made a review for The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug.

Probably didn't really like it that much, if I’m being honest.

Conquering fear, this is me just, again doing the same thing I’m doing right now.

Pushing myself forward and trying to overcome anything that freaks me out or scares me or makes me feel less than or unworthy or anything.

And then here, I’ve decided to shut down The Artist Mindset because I wanted…

At first, I wanted to pursue making a blog just for this, which still is here, I think, but it's just all of these kind — oh, God the videos.

Yay, we haven't even gotten to those, but yeah.

Oh, geez.

That was another website that just went off into the ether of nothingness.

Just like everything else I’ve done.

Lowell, Massachusetts.

This is when, um…

This is when I went out to that place in Lowell, Massachusetts.

It's actually where my book starts, so I’d never been there and I went out there and visited it before I actually published this.

And I went in the… January of 2013 here, and that was a really great experience.

No, no, January 2014.

And that was awesome.

This is a side note, by the way, this is after I recorded everything that you just watched.

And I was talking about Lowell, and I was wearing a Low — my Lowell T-shirt while I was doing that video, and then I didn't put that in there, so this is gonna be, like, cut into wherever you're at.

And I just recorded a writing prompt and realized that I talked about Lowell without mentioning that I was wearing the Lowell shirt.

Okay, bye!

So, yeah, that was one of the best things that I did.

But yeah, I just have this last thing about kind of talking about what it's like to self-publish.

And then this was I guess… just right before you know all of the depression and stuff happened.

Because this was right when I was like, "ah self-publishing is not so bad, I can sell some books. I can make a thing out of this."

And it's still probably the truth.

I, as I have said before, have put out a book that I am not proud of.

So therefore, I look back on this and just think, like, I was such an idiot.

But you could have bought it then, you can still buy it now.

Jessi, from The Bookish Mom, and my friend, Rachel want to read this with me.

So it is available on Amazon.

I currently have it as a potential on my TBR for my December reads, even though that is getting crazy as well.

It's funny that I ended off this blog with a poem, but I'm going to read it as well, and see what it's like.

Oh, this already looked…

Wow this looks exactly like how I feel still.

"Hidden in shadows,
Desperate to be seen,
Longing to be heard,
Yearning to fill the void
That fuels every
Fear-soaked thought.

So long admiring the spotlight.
So long just begging to be loved.
So long wishing I was the hero.
When will it be my turn?

The eyes start to notice.
The mouths start to speak.
The heads start to turn.
The light I have fought so hard for
Now glares behind this screen
My soul projects my dreams onto.

The curtain starts to draw.
Applause roars within my heart.
Is this the time?
Will the wings I have fly?
Will the darkness be swept away
As soon as the leap is taken?

Practice, practice, practice.
All I have done is practice.
What to do, what to say,
How to look, how to think.
Scrutinized as hard as I
Scrutinized the words before me.
Desperate to find the beauty in pain,
And more scared than anything
That I never will."

That's the last thing that I wrote on this blog.

Part of the reason for what that all just was.

I just took a huge minute to, by the way, like that was a big thing I've got.

It was… that was a weird thing to finish this out on.

Because I still feel that same way, and especially this part here, talking about the eyes starting to notice and stuff.

What freaked me out was this, like the blog that I was do… it was growing and the idea, like I said, of people actually like looking at what I was doing, and people responding to what I was doing.

And then having that work being something that I wasn't proud of at the end of it all.

I mean look what happened, I stopped and so did it.

Everything just went blank after that, you know?

And I did that to myself.

So I don't know, don't do that to yourself.

I really… don't do that to yourself because you just never know.

Honestly, like you can look back one day and it…

Like I… I sit here and I just think about, like, with this blog or like, the videos that I've been reacting to, and stuff, I really think, like, what would it have been like if I never stopped?

Because, I mean, even on this blog, like, I had that growth that was coming through, and that's what scared me.

And that's what made me stop pursuing my own dreams, was the fact that I saw that there was a potential that I actually could do them.

And then I just became my own, like I said, “Scrutinized as hard as I scrutinized the words before me.”

That's like how I act, that's how I am.

I’m so over-critical of everything that I do, so that was a really weird thing.

I’m glad that I read that out loud.

I’m gonna definitely include that whole entire poem in the final, but I’ll definitely also have some more reflection, obviously, once I have the videos done.

But this is the last of those blogs, and yeah.

There's just a lot to think about, to be honest.

I know it's kind of like a sad, somber ending, but it's kind of how I figured it was going to be because it was the end, you know?

And this is the part where it’s, like…

I have gone through all of this, and been like, “Wow, look at what I was doing.

Look at what I did.

Look at all of these memories that I made.”

And now look at me stopping.

You know?

And knowing what I did to myself, and stopping my own dream.

Ao that just is what it is.

But that's why, now, I always am just trying to tell everybody…

Don't do that.

Like, you just keep pushing through until it happens, because I guess now it’s, like…

I would much rather look back, you know, six years from now and still like if…

If I haven't grown the way that I wish that I would have grown or whatever, then I guess I’d still…

I still don't want to look back and be like, “I wonder what would have happened if I didn't quit?

So that's where I’m going now with this channel.

But I need to be done with this, so thank you guys for letting me do these walks down memory lane.

The videos will continue this Thursday.

I’ve got a couple of those left.

I’m hoping that I don't get as sad during them, but we'll just see.

So I’ll see you all next time, and thank you all for your continued support.

And it really does mean a lot to this author who's still just…

Lost.

Finding out I used to be pretty cool.

**The following is a transcript, best read while viewing the above video.**

Oh… Oh God, Lezlie, you really want me to be nice to this kid?

Seriously, some things just never change.

Hello, hello everybody!

How you all doing out there?

Welcome back to my channel!

I hope this video is finding you well.

My name, for those of you who do not know, is Andrew, and I am knee-ass deep in some reflection in this November of 2020.

Today, I'm going to be reacting to another writing video that I made six years ago.

Last week had me dragging 2014 Andrew through the mud and Lezlie, over at the Nerdy Narrative, tells me I have to be nicer to him this week.

We'll see what happens.

While we're on the topic of Lezlie though, special thanks to Lezlie, for reading every chapter of this draft that I am writing for National Novel Writing Month this year.

Additional special thanks goes out to Jessi, at the Bookish Mom, and Liz, at Galactic Reads, for just watching my videos, and encouraging me, and enjoying my writing journey as much as I am enjoying reflecting on it.

And super, super, extra special thanks out to my friend Rachel, who has not only done all of my tutorials and prompts, she is also writing her own first book, and has offered to help me with my subtitles.

So, thanks Rachel!

That really, like, saves me a lot of time and I'm really appreciative of that.

So, I have no idea what today's video is about to bring.

We are not going to find out if I just keep sitting here yapping.

So, without further ado, let's Get Write On In!

Okay, so we are back here on my channel.

This video is just called NaNoWriMo Day Three.

I know you can't see that because I just have the piece of screen on just me.

Um, Skillet sweatshirt already, off the bat I'm not surprised.

One of my old roommates gave me that sweatshirt that I'm wearing, right there, so, there it is.

But, let's see what was going on on National Novel Writing Month Day 3, 2014.

This is the month that produced this book, that is not out anywhere, so, um, yeah.

Well, I'm interested to see what was going on while I was writing this six years ago.

NaNo!

Oh, oh God, Lezlie, you really want me to be nice to this kid?

For those of you wondering about the glamorous life of a writer, this is about as real as it gets.

So, I am participating in NaNoWriMo this year.

Hey, I said it 'rimo', I usually say 'remo' so, I'm pretty proud of myself for this here.

Um, I've got my NaNo mug ready to go…

And right here, still right here, still have this mug.

I've been… I had coffee out of it just this morning, nice and fresh.

I am in full swing on my word count.

Uh, I'm about 12,000 words in already.

Three days? Okay!

It's only day three but my crazy, crazy, crazy ass… pardon my French… I'm deciding to… Well, I want to try to finish out the draft of Tides of Darkness this month, which is going to be about 84,000 words.

That's a lot.

That is a lot of words.

Did I write all that in that month?

I think I did.

Wow!

And I think that that might have been my cap.

Right now my cap is a 104,000 words of a book in a month, that just happened in July of 2020.

With a book that had no plot, no plan, no nothing.

I just was like, "This is a fun idea! Let me sit down and write it out and see how far I get."

Boom! 100,000 words later, halfway.

Sure.

What's next?

I've done NaNo one time before.

And for those of you who do NaNo, or have done NaNo, or have friends who do NaNo…

I've always been self-conscious about my hair.

Can you tell?

Yeah, and it's still, like, so awkward but the hair regrowth is coming along.

So I'm bringing that hairline back.

They talk about it all the time, and you have no idea what they're doing.

The goal is 50,000 words.

My goal is 84.

I really don't know why I'm doing this to myself, but I'm at 12.

Six years later, same question.

12,000 words so far, so that's kind of exciting.

It's only day three. It is only day three, ladies and gentlemen.

Maybe not, by the time you're watching this.

I don't know, I don't know when I'm gonna upload it.

So, for those of you who are also participating in that…

I did upload it on day three.

No editing with this.

You can even just hear me clicking.

Uh, I hope you're doing alright out there, it's kind of a stressful.

Hope you're doing alright.

See? I'm always hoping the best for everybody.

Well, kind of a stressful little event, if you've never done it before, especially…

Um, I'm pretty sure I'm not drinking coffee.

…if you like caffeine if you're trying to hype yourself up on some caffeine.

What I discovered last night…

Okay my roommate, she's watching this. I didn't… I didn't… I…I didn't… I didn't get the ingredients.

…that I am now claiming to be the best drink ever.

Take some root beer, preferrably Barqs, because it's the best, and put some French Vanilla in it.

There you go! You are welcome.

Like, root beer float in a glass.

I'm gonna have to do that.

I really… I'm gonna have to do that.

I should have done that for today, but I'm gonna have to do that.

I just made a root beer float for you, kind of.

Try it out, not even kidding it's really good.

Okay, root beer float, still said it.

So, 1,667 words a day is what the average word count is, if you want to complete NaNoWriMo, for those 50,000 words.

It's even written on the, uh, NaNoWriMo facts, here on the mug that I am obsessed with, see there were six…

I have two of these now.

The other one's downstairs.

I drink it with tea, it's tall and slender.

I'll bring it out next time, or something.

…1,667. So far, I have been averaging 5,000 words a day.

So, we'll see how that goes because it's only the beginning of day three right now.

I've only been awake for an hour, so I don't know.

NaNo's kind of crazy this year.

Uh, there seems to be a lot of people participating, a lot of first-timers, a lot of people returning…

As per usual.

I learned something from doing the first NaNo, that 50,000 words, in and of itself, in one month, is not that hard.

Not that bad.

I was literally about to say that just right now.

I'm glad that I said it back then.

It's really not that bad.

And even my friend Rachel, who I mentioned at the beginning of this video, she has said the same thing.

That the more she continues, the more she realizes that it's not as bad as it sounds once you actually get started.

So go write!

GO WRITE!

Oh gosh! Did I just like turn into Shia LaBeouf for a second there?

Like, you can do it, or whatever, really angry video he has.

I don't know.

However, 50,000 words of the same novel, same characters, same plot, same setting, same whatever, is a lot more difficult.

Also truth.

Depending on how into the story you are.

Why? I don't know.

But, if you have not partaken in NaNoWriMo, and you have friends who do it, and you're trying to learn a little bit more, I guess, about what they're trying to do, think of it like this.

When you're in high school, college, whatever, and you have essays that are due.

Say you have to write a five… five to seven hundred word essay.

You have a week to do it, and you freak out because you're like "Oh my God! Five to seven hundred words is so much!

My life is over! Yadda yadda."

You wait until the very last minute to bust out a 700-word essay.

You put all your time into it, it kind of sucks, and, uh, you're just ready for it to be over.

Well, uh, NaNo is like three of those essays a day.

Without the research, really though, depending I guess on what you're writing for the essay, and for the book.

…of your friends who are participating in NaNoWriMo, just think of it that.

They're writing three essays a day and that's why their life sucks.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

I mean I don't know.

That is a good question though.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

My sister asked me the same exact question, why I think this is fun?

Because it doesn't sound fun.

And I'm not surprised my sister asked me that question.

It doesn't.

She's right, none of this sounds fun.

None of this really is fun, until it's over.

I don't know how I feel about that statement, mixed emotions.

But, will agree that once it's over, it feels better than one, whatever is happening while it's happening.

When it's over, and you look back at the last 30 days of shenanigans…

Or the last six years.

…agree that you've just survived, and you haven't actually shoved your head through the window like you want to, um, then it makes everything all worth it.

I will also be just as happy if I can say the same thing at the end of this NaNo.

Because even though the first draft is never good, I mean you at least have the first draft.

And it's definitely a lot easier to edit something, than edit nothing.

So, if you're doing NaNo, you're on day three, keep going, just keep plugging along.

Find…

I agree.

…15-20 minutes a day, to just write, and just don't worry about it.

Always remember, at least, that I'm shooting for 84,000.

So you can think about how crazy I am whenever you are trying to hit your 50,000 word mark.

And there's plenty of other people who are going for more than 50….

I'm so into the lack of coffee stains on my teeth in this video.

…50,000 words, and it's not impossible but I sit here I've completed three of the 23 chapters that I have planned for the rest of NaNo.

And, uh, yeah, so, we got, oh you know, 19 left and I'm trying not to freak out about that.

We will see.

Hopefully, by the end of the month my head is still intact.

Because…

I guess it is.

…last night I really wanted to bash it into the keyboard.

Standard.

So, yeah, it should be an interesting month time.

I'm actually quite liking what I'm producing.

I'm trying to give myself enough time…

Quite liking it?

[ __ ]

You're sitting here six years later, with it sitting right next to you, and no one else has read it before.

Okay, okay, "quite liking it" my ass.

…to reread the chapters when it's finished.

Even though you're not supposed to for NaNo, because it's not about editing.

And I don't edit, I just like to make sure that it's at least coherent enough that I will be able to work with it later.

Because I don't want to write gdfjhghfs;asdkjhg;dlsailjndf like that…

Um, excuse me?

What did I just say?

Because I don't want to write everything down [ __ ] like that.

Because that's what word vomit sounds like, when you type it, you just hit all the keys.

I don't want to be like that.

Okay, wow!

First of all, yes, that is what word vomit sounds like… or whatever the hell I just said.

Second of all, yeah, that's definitely what angry Andrew looks like when he's hitting some keyboard keys.

Get out.

So I guess some things have never changed.

Oh man, I want it to be nice, and somewhat legible.

Is it obvious that I live in a dream world?

So, yeah, NaNo's in full swing.

Seriously, some things just never change.

Let's keep this going, if you're doing NaNo, good job!

I'm right there with you, we're all a nice, supportive team.

My username on NaNo is andrewjstillman.

So, if you want to add me feel free.

We can be buddies!

Happy NaNo everybody!

Oh… oh wow!

Okay, first of all, that got really awkward at the end.

I agree with everything else.

Uh, andrewjstillman is my NaNo name still.

You can be my friend if you want still.

Even though for as much promotion of NaNo, and involvement in NaNo I do, I don't have anything, like, on my NaNo profile except for the first book I ever did.

Because that was the only time I ever, you know what I mean, like, every other time is has just been more for fun, or just for the excuse of finding a reason to write something.

That was interesting.

That one was not as awkward for me, not at all.

I… I don't think that I was anywhere near as awkward as I was on the first video, that I just did from last week.

It is interesting, I know that next, or at least I think, next week I'm doing two videos, because they're only like two or three minutes each or something. And then those ones are actual, I think, more writing advice.

But it's interesting for me to think about, like, where this was at that time.

What chapter did I start on?

I started on chapter 20.

So I started… I was right here in the book.

But even some of what I even just read, one of my favorite chapters in this series was written in this month.

Right here, Chapter 21, "Internal Treachery."

That is one of my favorite chapters in the whole book.

I have all of my notes written all over everything, all the things that I wanted to cross out, and change and all the things that I never shared with anybody.

Well, I suppose there's that.

Oh, my dog!

Do you want to come say hi?

Can you… can you come say hello?

Will you say hello?

Can you say hello?

She's the worst.

Anyway, thank you all so much for watching!

I had fun again, revisiting all of this.

It is really weird to think about all of the things that I haven't done, I guess, more so than things that I have.

That's another reason I was really trying to do these kind of reflection videos.

I know a lot of people who are scared to start, just personally.

Like, I… I mean that on an actual, like, I know people in my personal life who… and not even just writing, but over anything.

So, I wanted to really take this opportunity to hopefully shed some light on that and for some people to maybe get some hope out of really just that simple statement of getting started somewhere.

I look forward to looking back on more videos, especially videos from this channel now, in future years.

I just hit 100 subscribers, so that was fun for me!

It oscillates, it goes up, it goes down.

So who knows where I'll be at in six years?

But I just certainly hope that I just get less awkward.

But I don't know because I'm pretty sure I'm still an awkward ass.

Thank you for watching!

Thanks again to Lezlie, Jessi, Liz, Rachel, all the other people that I love and watch all over BookTube!

You guys keep me going.

It's nice to be part of a community that is steadily building for everybody.

So, I am enjoying everything that's going on, and all these connections that I'm making.

So, thank you for letting me introduce myself and be part of that "family".

So, I will see you all on Sunday when…

Oh my gosh!

Sunday I'm gonna have… I'm crying.

I have a video in my vlog, and I cried, so NaNo 2020 brought the tears out of me alread

So, yeah, Sunday I'll be crying… crying watching rugby.

Okay, so I don't know what happened to me, but I guess you'll have to check out on Sunday to see for yourself.

See you then!

The Best Writing Advice I Have Gotten (So Far)

That is why I am scared of heights!

Because I'm taller!

It's exactly why it's scary, because the ground is so much further away than it is for you!

You're like right there.

I'm like, "Oh, it's like so far!"

Hi everybody!

How y'all doing out there?

Welcome back to my channel!

My name, for those of you who do not know, is Andrew.

So if you are new, welcome!

Right now is the middle of National Novel Writing Month 2020, and I'm on this journey of self-discovery/self-reflection, as it influences the main character of the book that I am writing for National Novel Writing Month 2020.

There's all sorts of videos about that all over, floatin' around here, but all information is also over on my website, at getwriteonin.com.

Today I'm going to be continuing my little revisit- Oh! That's my dog!

My little revisit of my first ever blog, that I had from 2012, when I first did National Novel Writing Month, up until 2014, when I first published my very first book, that has gone on to traumatize me, that I also talk about all over this channel.

This video is gonna see us covering the first half of 2013 from that, because 2013 was the only year that I did a full year's worth of blogging.

So I'm gonna cut it off in June, at my birthday, and the rest of it will be next week's video.

I think today is going to be a lot of poetry, but I'm not really sure because I haven't looked into what these videos are.

So, I mean, I had a great time last week, I'm excited about what I'm going to find today, so without further ado, let's get Write On In!

All right, welcome back!

Couple other quick things, I guess, before we really get started.

Yes, these are my books I have, yes.

Whatever. No, you can't have them. Except for this one, but this is the one that I was just talking about that traumatized my ass.

Why can't you have them?

I need beta readers.

You want them?

Let me know.

Anyway, all right, so again, here we are at the artistmindset.wordpress.com and this first post here, January 2013, is a Ghazal to Love.

Um… I don't know why it's tagged "douchebags", doesn't sound very lovely, but for those of you who do not know what a ghazal is, poetry is gonna be either next, or after next, once we're done with books.

Poetry and screenwriting are the next two topics that we'll be talking about on this show.

So let me know if you have a preference.

But with the ghazal, you have to have, like, the name, so every single couplet has to have the title in it, or the topic in it.

Right? So, every single one is gonna be love, love, love cause that's the whole topic of it.

So, the first couplet introduces a scheme, and then the rest of them pick up the same scheme, only on the second line.

We don't have to get into all of that, but this was my first endeavor into poetry on this website, from all that, all those years ago.

So, what else do we got up on here?

Wow! I did a lot in January.

Oh, here okay, yeah, another poem, another poem.

Okay, okay, here's a couple that I'm gonna love.

2013 Guide to Tipping.

I was new to the service industry back in this, I can already tell you.

But this one, Tall People Problems, I cannot wait to see what I was venting about on Tall People Problems, back in 2013.

Let's see what this poem is like.

Whoa! Okay!

"Crystal glasses filled
With silver smoke satisfy some souls with
A false hope…"

Who wrote that? Did I?!

Okay.

"A mockery of evanescent light
Turns our minds into suffocating beasts
As futile footsteps follow us down our
Destined paths. Longing to forget what we
Hope will lie in the past, dead to our thoughts,
One foot falls in front of the other,
A winding path we all follow blindly.
Brutalized by our past anxieties,
It will all be okay when we reach the end."

Oh! I was so emo!

What is going on?

This one, I remember writing, I… This one was about some injustice, I suppose.

People were making fun of me for my sexuality.

Whatever, I wrote a thing about how people don't have a right to knock down on anybody, because--

"Walls of segregation crumble down…
Screams of souls long forgotten still
Haunt America's dreams as you try
To put down those who you deem
'Not worthy.'"

Mm…I was mad at this one.

I do remember, this is a long… this is a long, angry poem here.

What was my 2013 Guide to Tipping?

Know the difference between service and bill total.

Oh, I see what I'm whining about, because I was at Chili's.

People want, "we want two waters, and chips, and salsa."

And they're not going to tip on anything.

When they want you to go over, and over, again.

Ooh, remember the tip out.

I still say this.

I feel like a lot of people don't know this, and don't understand it, and that's fine.

When you tip a server, they also have to then tip out, so then whatever you tip them, they also have to tip the bussers, and the bartenders, and sometimes the hosts, and the cooks, and everything else.

So whatever you leave them, is actually not going to just them.

Whatever.

I'm not in this industry anymore.

I'm still gonna whine and complain about it, and tip properly.

I just don't go out, right now, because I can't afford it.

And that's what you should do: If you can't afford a tip, don't go out to eat.

Never do the verbal tip. Ever.

Yes! I'm here. for. this.

Don't be like, "You're the best! Oh, I had such a great time! You're the best server I've ever had in my whole entire life!"

That. Don't. Pay. My. Bills.

I can't go up to my freaking landlord at the beginning of the month and be like "Oh so-and-so said I was the best server ever!"

Where's my rent money? Mmmk.

Because look, servers don't make, like, money outside of the tips, and a lot of states the servers actually make less than minimum wage, they have "server minimum wage."

It's a whole… don't verbally tip them.

That's rude.

Remember you might not be the only jerk.

Yes!

Because you think it might be all right to skip tipping just this once.

But what if that happens all night?

And then, what did I just say?

If you can't afford it, stay home!

I just said that a minute ago.

Can't afford it stay home!

Tall People Problems.

Oh, I'm excited!

What are my tall people problems?

It's time to let the world know what it's like to be a giant. I am six foot six, so it's awful.

What are my problems?

I can never hide.

This is truth.

If I'm ever in a crowd, I cannot hide.

The only time that this has ever really come into my favor, is concerts.

Number two.

I have bad peripherals.

Yes! I literally try to explain this to people, and it's hard.

If you are, like, shorter than here on me, which is pretty common, like this right here is, I think, like, 5'5" or 5'6", and like, that's a whole foot difference from there.

But if you're here, or below, you're out of my peripheral vision.

Especially children.

Because I can't see children, at all.

People like to tell me.

Yes, I…I… do not like that.

"Do you know you're really tall?"

gasp Wow! I learned something today!

Don't hit your head!

Oh, I hate it when people tell me that! Ughh.

People always assume you play basketball.

Truth.

No, by the way, just to answer that question, cause I'm sure I'm gonna get asked.

Have I ever? Yes.

What did I play? Water polo. And I swam.

People don't understand my back problems!

No this is the truth, no this is the truth, you don't get it.

And for me, personally, too, I grew, like, I was 5'2" in fifth grade, and I was 6'4" in eighth.

So I just like shooomph really, really, high, and my body did not like that.

I get made fun of for being scared of heights.

"You're so tall! How can you be scared of heights?"

What did I say?

I would say the same exact thing right now.

The ground is a lot further away from me than it is from you, okay?

That is why I am scared of heights, because I'm taller.

It's exactly why it's scary, because the ground is so much further away than it is for you.

You're like right there, I'm like, "Oh, it's like so far!"

I have to look good.

Because I can't hide.

I always feel like all eyes are like on me, sometimes.

And then nowadays, when people keep calling me Tom Ellis, I can't… like I have to look nice, I feel.

But keep calling me Tom Ellis, it's fine.

I don't see it, but I take it.

My legs are the size of a hobbit.

That is the truth.

My… my… the length of my leg would be the height of a hobbit.

And something that I would add to this now, would be public transportation, buses, planes, all that shiznite.

I think that being this tall should be something of a disability.

That's all I'm saying.

Nogginisms!

gasps

That was a word that I had come up with!

When I was talking about, like, thoughts, like, noggin, like, nogginisms, like random thoughts that I had.

But this was just a walk, that I had around my house with some cool pictures that I took.

Fear is the stimulant for nearly every emotion.

Okay.

Oh, hey!

This is my first chapter!

Yeah, this was my first chapt… like my first, first of this.

And this was before this even.

This was yeah, this was way before.

Ugh, ew.

No, I don't like reading that.

I don't think it's very good at all.

"A Writer's Guide to Harry Potter."

That's so funny.

I never knew that that was even a book that I read.

But apparently I read… I enjoyed it so much I wrote an entire ass blog post about it, okay.

The Best Writing Advice I've Gotten (Thus Far).

What was that in 2013?

I wrote a novel, now what?

Sit around on your ass for eight years, and cry about how much you hate your life, and then come to YouTube, with hopes?

Call yourself a writer.

This is actually very, very, important.

And I…This is for almost, like, anything.

With this YouTube channel or whatever, COVID's happened for everyone, but this has been a way for me to create a job for myself, I guess, in a lot of ways.

And so it's the same as with this kind of idea, of just "call yourself a writer."

It's like, create the job you want, create the career you want.

Do… like, create something that makes you show up every day, and call yourself that.

Because as soon as you start to identify is when it'll happen.

There's a difference between narcissism and confidence.

This is actually something that I still struggle with.

I've always, I guess, kind of defaulted into "self-deprecation," because I've never understood the difference between narcissism and confidence.

Because I would like to be confident, in myself, and in my work.

But I also do not want to be full of myself, or thinking that I'm better than anyone, or anything.

And I've always really struggled with that, and so that's always why I just default into self-deprecation.

Experiment with the senses.

Yes, I agree.

Do your research, your reader will know if you don't.

Yes, I agree.

And I did that because the first time I wrote a fantasy book and I had a bunch of people working around in the castle, and I never even researched a single castle, like, role, and yeah… pretty obvious.

Okay, well, that was pretty good writing advice though I guess, from 2013.

I would say that there would be a lot that I would add on to that, and then my answer would just be like, well… this channel.

Oh, communication.

I got… my major is in communication so I definitely…

Oh, my thoughts on time! Ooh, I'm interested to see that.

His middle name is Hagan?

Really, is that still his middle name?

This is my main character from this book, and I am just, right now, discovering that his middle name is Hagan.

Okay, oh, his name means "dark warrior."

That is actually really perfect due to his complications of being a complicated ass.

What are my thoughts on time?

Oh, this is very short.

"Time is a perception of your own reality. Ever existent, never changing, uniquely experienced by all.

While to one a day, hour, or week may take forever, another may blink and it's already gone.

Does this change time itself, or merely one's acknowledgement of it?"

Nogginism.

What's next?

gasp Wait, hold on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yes!

Okay, we're gonna get into this page here in just a minute.

Here's another poem, because I was definitely into the poetry this… this year, and so this is another, like, why I want to get poems going on, on this channel.

Oh this is another… What's this nogginism?

I like these little nogginisms that I had.

"I am the center of history.”

Okay, I'll take it.

Here's…I'm just going… What is this one?

"We are constantly making history, although we are not consciously aware of it.

We only live life one millisecond at a time before it's gone.

The beginning of the post is already history, for you, the reader, and for me, the writer.

We can only absorb this information one letter at a time before the beginning of the word becomes part of the past as well."

Wow.

"We can never fully live in the moment, because every second is already in the past.

Live for the milliseconds that pass by, under the radar.

Make history.

Put your name down where you won't be forgotten.

Don't let the past control who you'll be in the future."

Wow!

That kid in 2013 was like, "Hi, I'm gonna write this for 31-year-old Andrew, because one day I'm gonna need this again."

That was cool.

Proper Grammar in the Workplace.

I'm pretty sure this is just a vent.

I don't care if you're a restaurant manager.

I don't care if you're a mechanic.

I don't care if you work for NASA.

Learn the difference between your and you're.

Ooh yeah. See I… yeah these are… Oh, really?

Oh, hey!

This is when I met… uh, Christopher Moore.

That's cool.

I forgot that I met him.

Oh, but… see okay, so this is what I was venting about, though, was because at the signing of his thing there was this… this woman who was just too close, up onto my… up on me.

So I needed her to get on that… up off of me, because I needed to be there for what I was there for, and not to be like rubbed up on, up on, you know what I'm saying?

Okay so, What Your Server is Really Thinking and What Your Barista is Really Thinking.

These… these are a little series that I did, I don't know how many more we're gonna see on this vlog, or if it's gonna be next week's reactions that there's more of.

Now I just wonder what it would be like if I had written, or if I do write, like, What Your Bartender is Really Thinking.

So, these were just thoughts that when, because I have been a barista, a server, a bartender, a busser, a host, like, I have pretty much done everything in the hospitality industry.

So that is definitely where this came from.

I had, like, barista brain, and barista says, server brain, server says, all that kind of stuff, and I just wrote up all these little scenarios that were pretty much based on real stories that happened, and like, what I would say.

Like this: "Are you new?" and then my brain would say "Am I new, why because you're trying to pull a [ __ ] fast one on me or what?" but what I say is "Oh no, I have been here for almost a year now."

Stuff like that.

And I had so much fun writing these.

I had a whole website actually dedicated to these.

Okay, so this is going to be the last… Oh see, this one's going to be next time, What Your Non-Starbucks Barista is Really Thinking.

Writer Problems.

What were my writer problems in 2013?

Silver Linings Playbook.

I just saw on Netflix last night, this movie just popped up, and I was like, "Hey, I think I wrote a review on that on this website!"

And then I was like, "I wonder if I'm gonna see it tomorrow?"

And here it is!

And you know it's a good movie when as soon as the credits start rolling you immediately go back to the beginning to watch it.

And that was how I felt about this movie.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.

That was a funny movie.

Lord of the Rings.

Harry Potter.

Black Swan.

I watched Black Swan four times the day that it came out on DVD.

I loved that movie.

Loved writing reviews back in the day.

I kind of want to, like, get into that again.

I know I'm going to be doing book reviews, but if people are into, like, movie reviews, and music reviews, and stuff like that as well, I will totally get write on in, back to writing those.

Okay, so you let me know!

What's going on in here?

Writer Problems.

Okay, what's going on?

This is the same kind of thing that I was just saying and with the What Your Server is Really Thinking, this is the stuff that people say to writers when they…

All you do is sit at your computer and type all day.

Yeah and that's exhausting.

You can just self-publish to Kindle, that's easy, anyone can do that.

Yeah, but not anyone can do that well.

It's not really a job, it's more like a hobby.

Um, have you ever met Stephen King or Brandon Sanderson or Joe Abercrombie or this… don't even get me started.

Step above a hobby, step below a job.

Oh, unless published, a writer is unrecognized.

Still kind of how I feel.

I'm so stupid.

Oh, my gosh!

Carpal tunnel!

Yes.

"I'm 23-years-old and I'm already exhibiting symptoms of carpal tunnel."

Hahahaha.

I'm so dumb.

"I'm 23 and I have carpal tunnel."

Haha.

Wow.

I like this little image though.

"Carpal tunnel? Write rules with teeth and bloodied gums."

Writers need some more r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

We make your life interesting.

This is the truth.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.

Okay, what's next?

What Your Server's Really Thinking About Parties.

I actually might read a couple from this one.

"Excuse me, I don't like sourdough, are there any other bread choices you have?"

No, fooker.

No, fooker beggars can't be choosers.

You're not paying for this anyway so shut the [ __ ] up.

"Sorry, I'm just really thirsty."

Oh, here's one that I feel this is just… Wow.

This just triggered me right now.

"What's taking so long?"

Don't order four 12 ounce steaks well done and then wanted to come out in just, like, a minute.

Ooh. Oh. That was a trigg… trigger warning for any servers out there.

I like, literally, my hands just cramped.

That is hilarious.

Oh hey, the beginning of I…I talked about my little zombie apocalypse story from last week.

I was starting to pop there…

More Server Problems: Happy Hour and Impatience.

Oh, Query Letter Help.

What was that like in 2013?

The Stupid Question.

Oh!

That's a collaboration piece with Jeff!

Is he still alive?!

Jeff at Content Unrelated.

No, he's not there anymore!

He was so funny.

I loved him so much.

We did a couple of collaborative posts like this together.

That was a more server… What Your Server is Really Thinking.

Those are funny.

Those are probably the funniest things I've ever written in my life.

Oh, wow!

This is when I was trying to write a query letter.

I never sent these out.

I've never sent a query letter before.

I have no idea what would happen if I did.

Oh, this is another one with Jeff.

I've… I just loved Jeff so much.

So triggered!

"Do you even know what a Tom Collins is?"

Oh my God, I need to get out of this post.

That is so funny.

But that is… those are the last of that from that year.

Wow!

That is so funny.

Ah! There's been so much that I've done.

And it was cool to see some of the old poetry and stuff that I used to do on here.

I'm kind of looking forward to that on this channel.

But that was really fun, and I'm kind of excited to see some more of these on the next one.

I think we're coming kind of to a close.

So, the next post of these is probably going to be, like, the last long one, and then the last one that I do from when I quit this blog, is probably gonna be when I get, like, emotional and stuff.

I don't know, I actually cried this morning already, so that's awesome.

As of Sunday, I will have officially cried on YouTube now.

That's cool, but that's writing vlog stuff, and that's, like, when I'm getting personal about how this is all going, as far as the writing.

This reaction stuff is all just different.

I had fun with that today.

I'm really looking forward to doing more of my video reactions.

Those are on Thursdays, and those are from the first times that I tried to make video writing advice, and I just dragged 2014 Andrew through the mud.

So it's fine.

I can't wait to do it again, this week.

So I hope you enjoyed!

If you haven't subscribed, consider it, or don't, I don't know.

Let's hang out.

I'll see you all in a few days.

NaNoWriMo Writing Advice, circa 2014

**The following is the transcript for the above video. Although it can be read, it's best when certain things can be seen or heard :)**

I hate the fact that I just said that. 

Oh, my God, no… 

Hey, everybody! 

How you all doing out there? 

Welcome back to my channel. 

I hope this video is finding you well. 

My name, for those of you who do not know, is Andrew, and this November 2020… it's just me reconnecting to all these crazy aspects of myself. 

The other day, I reacted to the first post that I put out on my blog. 

I had a great time with that. 

Today, I’m gonna be reacting to the first time I tried to give writing advice six years ago during National Novel Writing Month 2014. 

NaNo 2012 was the first time I participated in all of this, which was what that last reaction video was about. 

I don't know, I’m excited about today, so I’m not even gonna waste any time. 

Let's just get Write On In.

Okay, so I’m just on my personal channel right here right now. 

I just started uploading some content on it again recently, just because after I started this channel, I was getting some more random subscribers and so I just wanted to have something fresh. 

But oh, actually, right there. 

There you go, sorry, there it is. 

My bad. 

This video is called the Tides of Darkness folder, and I’m pretty sure this is the folder in question, and this is the book that came of all of this. 

I do not know what this looked like back then, and obviously this. 

I don't remember if this was the first half or the second half that I wrote. 

We're gonna figure that all out, so, ah! 

Anyway, here's my first writing advice video. 

October 23rd, 2014 was when this came out. 

Here we go. 

Hello there, how's it going? Uh, this is Andrew Stillman. 

Um, I thought today I would, um, show you — 

Look at that hairline, first of all. 

I’m — it's coming back because now I’m on — I’m on treatment for it, and I just cut it all off. 

But that this is the hair that I’m trying to bring back. 

— you guys a little bit about my, uh, Tides of Darkness folder. 

Tides of Darkness is my sequel. 

This is this book. 

Working on the last half of it for NaNoWriMo.

The last half, so this is. 

The fantasy book, this is, like, this I don't know, it's gonna be pretty crazy. 

If you've read Immortality Awaits, it's gonna be really crazy in Tides of Darkness, so yeah. 

The first — I started out with just a, uh, character list. 

So funny of how many just, like, going through the whole thing. 

It changes perspectives a lot. It’s just like in Game of Thrones —

Just like Game of Thrones?? 

It's like Game of Thrones, I don't have that many people. 

It's true, though, my stories do not have as many people as Game of Thrones. 

That was a complaint that I had a lot in the first book.

They said I had too many characters, but the thing is, there's only 14, and they all get more attention in the second book, anyway, which is what this is all about. 

AKA, I was just a really shitty author and I produced a really crappy book that I now, six years later, talk really awfully about. 

Okay, the next step, we have when things start to get fun. 

Oh, when they're fun. 

I did two sentences for each chapter. 

Hey! I have this as an exercise on this channel right now, under the plot exercise video. 

I’m just saying, like, I hand wrote that ish on all of these. 

This is just the last half. 

I already did this for the first half, and already written the first half. 

The first half is currently standing at about 70,000 words, and the second half is looking to be somewhere around 80. 

I don't know why I’m doing this to myself, but I am. 

So yes, so I do two sentences per chapter just to give myself an idea of what ish is going to be going on. 

Now we are really getting into the pretty fun — 

Okay, am I at least moderately more interesting than this now? 

I hope so. 

I get told a lot more these days that I look like Tom Ellis, so I hope that is at least some points in my favor. 

Um, I then took all those two sentences and wrote up three paragraph, five sentences. 

See how far back this goes? 

And I went through and I hand wrote out for what I did. 

So there's 20, but I sure didn't know how to make that interesting to share.

I’m a big fan of handwriting. 

I kind of think that all authors, writers, everybody should be handwriting ideas and stuff down first. 

Agreed. 

Um, if you put it in ink, it makes you think. 

I hate the fact that I just said that. 

I hate the fact that I just said that, too! 

Oh, my God, no! 

Oh, no. 

I’m only two minutes in? 

Oh, God. 

I really like to, uh, hand write things out first like this as far as just outline purposes go, because I really feel like it puts me into the mindset of the story. 

I’m not too worried about, uh, actually writing at the moment, you know what I mean? 

I feel like I remember that couch behind me, by the way. 

I was, this is, the only time I’ve ever lived by myself, and I was recording off of my computer. 

Not this exact computer I have, but a Mac just like the one that I have. 

A lot of times, when it comes to, uh, typing or sitting down to write, that we get all distracted and we try to make everything sound pretty off the bat. 

And I think that the most important thing to do first is to actually get the story down. 

Truth. 

The handwriting out the outlines, to me, at least, gets the story straight out, because I’m like, okay, you know, what do I want to happen?

I’m not sitting here trying to make everything pretty, because my hand hurts. 

Apart from general writing stuff, I also have questions. 

They're pretty common questions, I haven't answered all of them quite yet. 

I also made a comment in one of my videos about how ain't nobody has time to go through this, so I’m glad that I did for this. 

But I have, “What do you want to happen? How do you want to get there?” 

Okay. 

“What are the main emotions and how are they examined?” 

Oh, that's a good one. 

“Where do you see this book going? What themes do you want to cover?” So this is the kind of stuff that you're supposed to know. 

Also, I’m going to be honest right now, watching me here, and then looking over and seeing me on this screen here is a very weird experience. 

Because I’m — I look very different, and it's so weird, because I looked more like this, like, two days ago, before I just shaved everything off. 

But this beard, in this video, is actually fresh. 

This beard has been around for maybe three months, because I grew it out when right before I published Immortality Awaits. 

I think I like to just sit down and actually think about it. Obviously, I haven't finished writing it yet, because I got a little distracted writing those 25 chapter outlines, because those need to be done for NaNoWriMo, which starts next week at this current time. 

Uh, I think today is the 23rd, so I have eight days left until we get started. 

We all have eight days left until we get started, oh, my goodness gracious, what are we gonna do?? 

We're just gonna write, that's it. 

That's it! 

I said — I say it enough on this channel, just go write. 

So, yeah, so I asked myself these questions about things I want to happen. I want to get there talking about the emotions. 

I can answer that question. If you have read Immortality Awaits, the big emotion for that book is anger. 

That's true. 

That’s why there's that big fireball on the top cover. 

I know that fireballs, people talk about them being a little bit on the cliche side. I don't know, they're a little different in my book, and they are a little necessary, I suppose, because they're just part of one of the four elements that come through. 

The emotion associated with that, uh, is anger, I — because I associate anger, fire, rage, kind of all one and the same thing. 

Um, so now, here in book two, which is called Tides of Darkness, and the emotions are —

I’m such a pretentious dick sometimes when I’m younger, I feel. 

People said that to me a lot back then, too, I feel, so it's fine. 

Sadness, uh, isolation, depression, loneliness, and fear. 

There's five, and I know that's a lot. 

It's going to be a pretty emotionally-packed book. 

Side note, saying this now, and what I’m about to go through actually — not in this video, but, like in these upcoming videos — this is actually the only book I’ve ever cried while I wrote. 

So, it was a very emotion-packed book, as awkward as I am trying to explain it. 

It was actually, like, I cried so much. 

The fear aspect is gonna be kind of examined by everybody, especially with Donovan and company. 

They have been really taken out of their element, they are far away from home, they have no way to contact their families, their friends, their old lives, and they are stuck in a war, and they're scared. 

Minus the war part, everything I just said is why I went to New Zealand, so I could feel the same… same thing. 

Because, I mean, who wouldn't be, really? 

But they're trying to find the adventure behind it, and there's just a lot of fear coming from everybody, and it's kind of about overcoming your fears. 

But then the actual power, the emotions, are sadness/depression/isolation/loneliness —

Okay, and what has effing changed? 

Nothing. 

Same themes, same idea, same everything going on in NaNo right now, pretty much. 

So, but yeah, I’m not 100 looking forward to writing that, because I think I’m going to be pretty depressed by the end of it. 

But I suppose that just gets the job done. 

I cried so much. 

Next, I don't know, comes the challenge for myself for the second book. 

I give myself a challenge in every book, I’ve said it on this channel before. 

As if what I’m currently doing isn't a freaking challenge enough, the “big challenge,” what was my big — what was my “big challenge” back then? 

Worldbuilding. 

First of all, whoa. 

I have been pretty open on this channel about how worldbuilding is my least favorite thing. 

There it is. 

Second of all, that where's that map actually probably fantasy off that map is what became later on. 

And then this map is blown up on my wall over there, so, okay. 

So weird. 

I still want to know what like this looks like, I hope I hold it up at one point. 

Writers out there know that this is some crazy shenanigans. 

So this so far is the map I have drawn of Ianaro, I am not the best artist —

It was called Ianaro still at that time?? 

Oh, heaven, it's not even what my world is called anymore! Oh, my God. 

We spent the first book in here down, in this. 

I’m literally —

So now we're going to be spending the second book — 

Oh, my God — 

— and then see how there's four quadrants, there's four objects, see where I’m going with this here? 

So I just started drawing this finally. 

Um, I have a little tiny map between Konida and Liarda that I drew for, uh, Immortality Awaits that I needed to get a little bit more into it.

So, we have some lakes over here, and then we have the ocean lines up around in here.

By the way, I know you can see all this coming — you're welcome for cutting out all, like, the jump cuts and a lot of the stuff that's going on in between, because I know that I’m not making y'all sit through all of this. 

I haven't done any of these, yet, which is probably going to be part of what I do for the rest of the month/why I want to go to New Zealand really really really really really bad. 

Why I want to go to New Zealand?

Okay, first of all, last video I didn't even have 10 reasons why I loved New Zealand. 

Second of all, I can already tell you that three days after the last of these videos that I recorded I’m about to get to — it's a foreshadow, by the way, we're gonna get to it by the end of the month — but three days after this NaNo experience was when I decided to go spend a year in New Zealand. 

And then, whoa, hello, all three of these, right here in this video. 

I have all these places that they're going, Parnalder, Quentavane, Trestinore, all these places that you have no idea what I’m talking about because you haven't read the book yet. 

Nope. 

Um, but I haven't filled out any of them rushed to Ra'ash D'Avocier here, uh chelsea Parnalder Ardenway (??)

They're going all over the place. 

They don't have my story. 

This was before I did any of this scenario. 

I like that name, Denaria. 

Pretty cool, Denaria. 

I like that name, Denaria. 

“It's pretty cool,” that's funny, because now it's my world name. 

So, I guess I really did like that name. 

And I just said a minute ago that my world name had changed, and it's Denaria. 

And here, in this video, apparently, is where I’m — okay. 

I don't know where I came up with that, but it just happened. 

So I haven't filled any of these yet, but I need to. 

I really to, um, they're filled out, and I’m at least working on the map, but most of the worldbuilding process is going to come at the end, when I’ve already written out the story.

Because the first draft really is just all about the story, which I think everyone can kind of agree with. 

Which is what the whole point of NaNo is, which I’m really excited for this year. 

But I’m trying to be a little bit more prepared, because ooh man. 

Last time I was not prepared. 

I still did it, and I was not prepared. 

I just don't want to end nano hating what I wrote as much as I did last time. 

Last time, I found out about it on, like, October 27th, and I had four days. 

That was probably one of my lesser bright ideas. 

Anyway. 

That coffee mug! 

Oh, my God, that's from Borders! 

I used to work at Borders in the cafe, and I stole that coffee mug when they were going out of business, and I was really sad when it broke. 

But I remember. 

Wow, yeah. 

As I was saying, my thing actually cut me off, that's why there was that odd cut. 

Because I just decided to stop recording, but anyway. 

I found out on October 27th. 

I only had three days to get my life together, and then I busted out 54,000 words of the novel that had absolutely no preparation going into it. 

And it was really, really awful. 

So, this time, I would like to have a little bit of a better experience, which, but, of course was no means NaNo's fault — 

Defending NaNo! 

How cute!

Like it would be NaNo's fault if I had a bad time! 

Silly little writer here. 

But I was moving in the month of November, and having already partaken in NaNoWriMo and being no stranger to moving, I knew I would not be able to pump out 50,000 words in a month on top of moving. 

Not gonna happen. 

Whatsoever. 

I started Tides actually last year. 

Apart from my really awkward delivery and terrible editing skills, I’m happy at myself for my very conscious effort of keeping eye contact into the lens. 

This is so bad. 

For NaNoWriMo as, like, a sub thing for myself going on, let me take this to write whenever I can. 

And I got 30,000 words, so we'll see. 

We'll see how this year goes. 

I have one more thing left in my folder for now. 

I’m still kind of in the beginning stages of the second half. 

I didn't do any of this for the first half of the book, honestly. 

The first half kind of was already in my head rolling around, so I just kind of sat down and busted it out. 

When I got to about chapter 15 was when I was like, “I have absolutely no idea where I’m going with this.” 

This was back in June, already. 

And then I took the whole summer off, because I just didn't care. 

And then I took the whole summer off because that was the summer that I published Immortality Awaits, and that was the summer that I quit that blog I was just at the other day, and when I — my little “writing” depression started, so. 

NaNo was coming up, but I’m like, “Well, I need to stop being such a lame person. 

I’m working on the calendar which inspired the kingdoms here of — 

Oh, my God, I made my own calendar?? 

Oh, maybe I should do that! 

As, like, an exercise sometime for some writers. 

“Make your own calendar in your world.” 

If you're watching this, bonus prompt. 

The regions, all that kind of stuff, and then the two big ones here that have been left blank, kind of on purpose, because I don't even want to get into this debate in my own fictional world. 

The religion and the politics, really, this is the kind of stuff that just drives me crazy.

Especially when it comes to the “United States” a real life situation. 

“United States.” 

Currently, one of the funniest things about this little event is that recording this right now is November 3rd, 2020 and I just came back from dropping off my ballot. 

So, I definitely know where this vent went.

Together, UNITED, and I feel like these two topics break apart more than anything else in the entire country.

And I mean, maybe I’ll get into that a little bit in the book, but it just bothers me so much. 

Because I’m pretty moderate when it comes to all these things in general.

I like to see things from both sides. 

That's why I have the story told from the villain and the hero, because I think — 

Nerdy Narrative! Lezlie! 

If you're out there and you're watching this and you're here at this moment right now, and you know because you've been reading my story, I did that binge watch on your stuff the other day.

I saw your video about the whole “is the villain really the villain” in your little angsty ramblings, so… 

I got you girl. 

I think that the opinions on what makes the villain and what makes the hero are twisted, contorted a little bit. 

I’m trying to show — 

Lezlie! 

— what makes a villain a villain. 

Is he really that bad, or is it whatever? 

I mean, that's a lot going on in the rest of the series, so, I mean, I’ll get there, but I haven't gotten too much into the religion or the politics of Ianaro. 

It's big stuff, because it’s this kind of stuff that then people are going to read and relate it back to their real life, and I’m just not trying to have that kind of a disagreement. 

But I just try to be, like, “Oh, that's how you think, cool.” 

I agree to disagree, because that's my life, thank you so much. 

I still feel that way. 

Thank you so much for watching. 

Sorry I got off on a little bit of a vent there at the end. 

Uh, ironically enough, I am not going to get into that vent today, but it's Election Day, so, like, of any day, it would be the day right now that I would want to be like, “Six years later!” 

Because I was in New Zealand during the 2016 election, so. 

But, yeah. 

That is currently my Tides of Darkness folder. 

So I’m getting ready for NaNo 2014. 

If you don't have a folder, you should get one, or make something on your computer, or something to just get it away from all the other files in your life. 

Uh, because, if — especially if you're a first-time NaNoWriMer, it's not as easy as it sounds. 

And even when you read people talking about how hard it is, you're not gonna understand it until you actually get to it. 

That's true. 

You don't have a lot of time to mess around. 

You should definitely try to start hard to 1667 every day. 

Try to do spurts so you can get yourself ahead, because being ahead is the best place to be. 

Truth. 

As of this recording, I’m behind right now on this month, this year's NaNo, so, whatever.

Especially, you do not want to fall behind on the first week, or you're probably going to be screwed. 

So, good luck. 

Good luck on NaNo and general novel writing. 

Okay. 

“You Gotta Work, Bitch,” that's one of my recent ones. 

Hey, what's up, Alex? 

He's from the Shelf Space Discord. 

Well, that was super fun, kind of. 

A little bit awkward, but fun for me, I think. 

Wow, I have changed a lot. 

I really hope that I’m a lot more interesting to watch on camera now. 

It's not like I’m the most interesting person ever, anyway, in the first place, but that was a little bit awkward. 

But I, I had some gems of advice in there, some things I guess I would still, you know… say. 

Anyway, so, thanks so much for watching, exactly like what I just said in that video. 

I’m gonna be continuing these reactions throughout the month. 

The rest of the videos of this are all shorter, at least, so my reactions are gonna be shorter with these videos. 

But I don't know, this is still really fun for me to, like, see where I was at. 

Especially, like, with this map, to see this not complete was pretty cool for me today, I think. 

So, anyway, thanks so much for watching. 

Sunday is gonna be my first little writing vlog from this year's NaNo, if you want to check that out. 

You can also read my whole first draft of this year's NaNo here :).

Reacting to my first blog/first time I did #NaNoWriMo in 2012

**The following is the transcript for the above video. Although it can be read, it's best when certain things can be seen or heard :)**

When I did college… when I “did” college.

Hey, everybody! 

How you all doing out there? 

Welcome back to my channel. 

My name, for those of you who do not know, is Andrew. 

I’m gonna drop the “J. Stillman” for a little bit because this month, I’m trying to be a little bit more, I don't know, personal. 

So far on my channel, I’ve tried to just give advice, or I’ve done little tutorials, or given tips or whatever what have you. 

Those of you who have been around, or those of you who have seen my Novel Impact trailer that I made, know that I’m sharing my National Novel Writing Month novel kind of “live,” I guess.

I don't know, but I’m trying to reconnect with parts of myself, and I’m trying to be a little bit more vulnerable, and I’m trying to find parts of myself that didn't care so much about what other people thought. 

And I’m also meeting a lot of people now on YouTube.

This is now i'm going into my third month, and there's a community out there, and people are already learning my name, and I’m already learning people's channels, and it's been a really fun and exciting experience so far. 

And some people have told me that they've just been inspired by my, I don't know, willingness to be so open about the writing journey. 

So today, and throughout November, for the content on my channel, I wanted to have some more personal stuff. 

I’ve said it before — I know I’m a lot more, I’m usually so, like, “Hi, everyone!” 

I’m like, “blah blah blah,” cause everything I’ve done really so far is all written out, and I have my computer where I read it and I know what I’m saying, and now I have no idea, really, what's happening today. 

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life right here. 

I, a few days ago, stumbled on my first blog that I made, kind of first, but um, it was back in 2012, and it was what made me find National Novel Writing Month in the first place. 

And so on my journey this month of reconnecting to myself, I wanted to start with this blog, because the ages of, like, 16-25 are the “Andrew ages” that I am trying to reconnect with. 

Because those were the years that I was writing and writing and writing and writing and writing like nobody's business, and just doing it more for myself than anything else, and I want to see what it's like, I don't know, now that it's been eight years. 

And people always talk about reflecting on your journey and the importance of starting somewhere, so I just wanted to reflect a little bit throughout the month on things that I’ve tried before. 

I’ve had blogs, I’ve had vlogs, I’ve had all sorts of stuff in the past, so I’m just gonna kind of relive it throughout the month. 

So, I don't know, that's about it, so without further ado, uh, let's just get Write On In.

All right, well, I’m about to get started over here. 

I’m gonna be coming to — the blog is called theartistmindset.wordpress.com — and also, I mean, I’m going to be leaving it up on the screen. 

I’m not really going to be, like, “reading” it. 

I-I don't really know what's about to happen, so we're going to see. 

This is going to be the first of these type of videos, but I’m kind of excited about it. 

And yes, these are my books, they usually change throughout every episode, but for this month, I’m just leaving them right here because I’m trying to reconnect with myself and just own the fact that, like, I wrote these. 

And these are at least part of my bookshelf, even though they're not really a part of anybody else’s. 

Well, this one is, but whatever. 

So, we're here right now on, like I said, theartistmindset.wordpress.com. 

This is the oldest in the thing. 

Off the bat, I think it's kind of funny that “What is an Artist?” is the first one when my first video here on YouTube was “What is a Creative.” 

So, off the bat, it's just… but I don't even know what this says, but I’m going to read around.

I’m just going to talk about things that I find along the way. 

I’m leaving it up all on the screen. 

I, myself, I’m going to be just a little small blip on your screen, I think. 

But I just want to talk about — “models walk around constantly trying to look sexy,” okay, wow, what am I talking about? 

“Writers and actors become the characters they write and portray in order to convey the realness behind them.“

I feel that. 

“They're not normal people. They're weird, they live in their own world.” 

Okay, I feel that. I was in some emo stuff — ooh the Adventures of Jensen Carpenter! 

What is it — Lynda? Lynda! I remember Lynda! 

Online courses, oh my gosh, wow! Lynda. 

Okay, oh my gosh. 

Here, okay, so, I technically have done this, like, “post a story as I write it” kind of thing before. I have this — this is one of my stories, this is my zombie apocalypse story. 

I’ll come back to that one day. 

I actually hand-wrote this entire story first before I started posting it on here. 

August 2012, wow. 

I started this August 8th, so that was right before I started this September 27th, and this was what introduced me to NaNo. 

I think that's — Zombie Photos?? 

What? Oh, my gosh look at this picture of me you guys!

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh I remember taking these pictures! 

“This is probably my favorite picture of all time of myself,” I remember feeling — wait, go back! 

I don't know how to get… that's so funny, that was what I was doing when I was doing this, was taking zombie pictures, because then… 

I went out because I lived on Fort Ord, and I went out and I was taking pictures of all of the abandoned buildings over at CSUMB. 

Oh, my gosh, “the darkness comes,” that was so fun! 

“Don't become one of us,” this was, like, real stuff that we were finding. 

“Help us,” that's so funny! 

Oh, my gosh, okay, so what's next on this? 

“The Portrait of a Writer.” 

“I have never met a clea —  a clean writer,” oh, my gosh. 

“I’m not saying they don't exist, but I’ve never been to a writer friend's home or their room where their workspace isn't a complete and total utter mess. And I love it.” 

I feel that about myself. 

I feel sometimes also, though, that I am not — wow, this is kind of, “writers are awesome,” yes, “unique brand of people, insomnia, we eavesdrop, guilty as charged, we study people, we drink coffee generic ster” wow, so this is, like, stereotypes that I felt when I was, like, 22. 

That's crazy! 

All right, what's next? 

Beach photography, is this more zombies? 

Oh no, that's just Monterey where I live. 

Oh, this is a ghost story that I wrote! 

Leo! 

Leo was a ghost that was in my dorm room at CSUMB where I was taking those zombie photos. That's a story, that's a real story that happened. 

Life before Facebook! “Whoa, what a concept, right?” 

Yeah, we thought that — I thought that in 2012. 

“Does anyone remember what that's like?” 

I don’t… I think this is before I even cared about, like, Twitter or anything. 

“Andrew just sneezed and shot boogers out of his nose.” 

Oh. 

“News travels fast.” 

I had a booger in my nose my first episode on the… wow, the connections here are crazy! 

“The Senses: Hear Me Out.” 

Okay, I just had a sensory video not that long ago. 

Oh, I, wow, okay, I color-coded… I just talked about color coding… the… I just put that journal away! 

One of my writing prompts that I just did, I was talking about color coding things, too. 

Like, wow, okay, so, sight is in blue, sound is in red, and then a mixture of both to rewrite the scene. 

That's kind of cool. 

This is from this book, “Immortality Awaits” Andrew J. Stillman. 

Piece of [ __ ] book. 

It's fine, I shouldn't hate it that much. 

I actually want to kind of reread it. 

That might be part of what happens sometime soon. 

Oh, what if that was on my, like, December TBR? 

That would be crazy. 

Ooh, that would be crazy. 

Anyway, what's next? 

Secluded Damnation. 

This is the story I’m still trying to write, you guys!! 

No, I’m not lying, this story, the idea of this story… the idea of this story is what the entire underlying theme base of the current book that I’m writing was trying to bring back. 

What in the whoa! 

Like, this whole idea of, like, them being trapped and then fighting their way out of, like, the hell that they're at, and… 

Oh that's so crazy. 

Whoa, this is weird… this is weirder than I thought it was gonna be. 

I haven't been through these.

 I, like, I knew… I just stumbled across this blog, like, two weeks ago. 

Draw Me Inside! What in the farquat? 

Dude, I wrote a song — 

Oh, my gosh! 

So… and, and this is just the story of that all, the emails, how it happened. 

That was my 20th birthday. 

Guitarist of Skillet at the time, he's not anymore. 

Draw Me Inside, man. 

I did that for my 20th birthday in 2009, so this was three years later I was… just because it was my first blog, and I was like, “Let me tell the story!” 

Newer posts. 

I’m just going through 2012 in this video, so right now… it actually doesn't look like it's been super super long, cool. 

I was hoping that this was not gonna be… 

Oh, I’m getting to finding out about NaNo, hold on! 

“When Did Romantics Become Weird? AKA Why Dating Sucks.” 

“The Cinnamon Pecan Coffee Cake Guy!” 

I, oh, “Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone,” “Zombie Photos,” falling… what was I doing? “Do You See This?” 

That story, oh, my gosh… 

“How Reality TV Made Me a Better Person.” 

What was going on in 2012?? 

“When Did Romantics Become Weird?” 

What am I talking about? 

Okay, this is… okay, this was from “How I Met Your Mother.”

All right, I definitely was decoding some HIMYM episode, don't know why. 

Okay, it was before season nine, obviously. 

But the cinnamon pecan coffee cake guy… I remember this guy. 

This is just a story I was doing when I did college… when I “did” college. 

Part of what my capstone, my graduating project was about, was about… it was comedy story. 

I used to write humor before I wrote all this, like, “dark fantasy” kind of stuff, and I had all these stories about rude customers and, like, my thoughts that I wanted to say versus what I said, and those were fun to write. 

So, this guy was a douche, that's all I have to say about that. 

“Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone,” what did I feel about that when I was 23 versus when I’m 31? 

Oh, my gosh, being scared to start writing Jensen Carpenter in August. 

Oh, my gosh, wow! October 13, 2012, “I used to blog way back in the day before blogs first became a thing. Back then, you didn't share your work online.” 

This is truth! 

And then I was just saying the other day about how, “Oh, I used to do YouTube.” 

Hold on. 

These are the other videos that I’m gonna be reacting to throughout the rest of this month, but six years ago, when I was first sharing my National Novel Writing Month advice, and I was just saying the same thing. 

Like, “I was doing this before I really felt like anyone else was,” and that's weird that I was saying that in 2012. 

“Now there's laws,” oh, my gosh, that is so funny. 

Oh, my lord, look at this! 

“I stepped out of my comfort zone. I told myself, ‘who cares? If you put enough passion and love into your work — bolded — people will love it.’” 

That's what people still tell me now! 

“Who cares?” this is exactly what I’m talking about, I’m trying to connect with this part of myself that was like, “Who cares? Just put your passion, life's about taking risks as much as it is about making mistakes.” 

I was touting this crap when I was 23. 

This is before I’d even published this. 

This was before this even actually existed as, like, this at all whatsoever. 

This is before this, this is my New Zealand journal. 

Okay, so, whoa. 

“Erase the negativity, step out of your comfort zone, thicken your skin.” 

Who's listening? 

I am. 

I don't know, goodness lord, what's next 2012?

2012 was the last time, also, that the world was supposed to end, so I’m pretty sure that I had all of these thoughts in October of 2012 being like, “Oh, hey we're all gonna die in December, anyway, so who cares if anyone reads my stuff?” 

Here we are, 2020, thinking the same thing. 

It's very cyclical, what's happening here, this is wild. 

This is crazy. 

This is going to be a crazy month. 

I thought before I started any of this that I was going to cry by the end, and I already feel like it's going to happen. 

Oh, my gosh, okay, I want to look at some zombie photos, 10 reasons I love England, what is all of this?

Okay, more zombie, oh, my gosh, there were some good ones here. 

This is the one that I wanted to be the cover image for… that's what it says right here, “potential cover image for,” oh, okay, there we go, some zombie ass. 

That was fun, those were fun days. 

Oh, look, wow! 

Look at these sunset photos! 

I like that, that's a nice photo. 

I remember living there, too, I can tell you exactly where I was. 

What's that — “Do You See This?” 

This is a… this is a funny story, I can't get into that right now, but that's a funny story. 

More zombies… zombies! This one, this is my favorite one. That's so cool! Oh, my gosh, I was so young. 

Oh, “10 Reasons I Love England,” what are the —

GEORDIE SHORE?

Geordie Shore was why I was doing this? 

Oh, my gosh, okay, what are my ten reasons? 

They brought us Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Harry Potter, The Beatles, Adele, the drummer from Skillet — which, okay, back to Skillet because, hello. 

Emma Watson, Kit Harrington from Game of Thrones, Keira Knightley, and Jim Sturgess. 

“If I didn't live in America, I’d move to England or New Zealand —“ 

Oh, my gosh, “I don't —“

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life right here! 

“I don't have 10 reasons that I love New Zealand.” 

Um, yes the [ __ ] you do, bitch.

Now I have an entire blog, actually, that's dedicated to, like, my experiences in New Zealand and traveling around the world, so that's hilarious. 

Wow, revisiting your stuff. 

The reason, again, that I, I did this was because I was trying to make the point of starting somewhere, because then it's something that was said to me when I first started, as well.

But it's just something that, like, they, they say — “they” say, the writers. 

Now I guess I’m one of “them,” but they say that you will always come to a point that you're gonna reflect and you're gonna have this kind of reaction. And this is crazier than I thought it was going to be, to be honest, but this is nuts. 

I’m about to just start Quietest Street Chapter One. 

Oh, my gosh, just start writing if you haven’t! 

So, what else did I have to say in 2012? 

I love reality TV, it's — it's definitely true. 

Geordie Shore, Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, I Love Money, Rock of Love, yeah, I like the skimpy ass reality TV. 

“People getting crazy on TV? Awesome. People throwing beer bottles and punching each other in front of you in real life? Not as awesome.” 

Perfect. 

Oh, my gosh there was a… this was about a Halloween fight. 

This was a real story that happened to me and about how being a reality TV — another zombie thing, that's so funny — how, how reality TV made me a better person, that's literally what that story is about. 

I can't believe I actually made a whole story about a situation in my life that happened in a real fight that I was like, “Because I watch reality TV, let me tell you how I’m a good person right now.” 

Especially when that reality TV is Mob Wives and, like, Geordie Shore. 

Oh, my god, all right. 

This, so this is… this is, um, my first chapter from the first time I did NaNo in 2012. 

I decided to post it. 

I spilled coffee on my keyboard the first time?? 

So, okay, the first time I did NaNo, I spilled coffee on my keyboard. 

The first time I’m doing this little project on YouTube, the first day that I write, I get my drone stuck on the ceiling. 

So, I guess I’ve overcome some challenges before. 

“I can barely afford my rent,” wow, that sounds familiar, COVID, “let alone buy a new keyboard or computer. Story of my life.” 

Still is eight years later, honey. Some things just never change. 

More about Jensen that, oh, my gosh, I was still publishing Jensen at this time, that's so funny. 

And I was doing the same thing I’m doing right now, why am I so nervous about it right now?

Which is the thing, Jensen was different, though, because I did handwrite it first and do some edits before I put it up, and this is all… this has just been different. 

But, anyway, so that… this… this is just what the novel was, so, “It is said that the quietest streets bear the darkest secrets. When Detective Kolin Banks begins to receive mysterious letters bearing only numbers and hashtags after a string of murders in the neighborhood, he and his partner, Yvette Seifried, began a scramble to both decode the cryptic messages and stop the neighborhood killer.” 

There was a lot that was, a lot. I actually used the, the Periodic Table to, like, code out messages and use them for the killer to do all that, so that's crazy. 

“No one is required to like my work. As long as I’m enjoying what I do, I’m good.” 

Wow, this really is the Andrew that I am trying to get back by! 

Who are you, sir? 

5 grammatical errors that drive me bonkers, wow, what was that in 2012 before I knew anything?

6 reasons I hate driving, oh, God. 

This is a, this is a music review. 

Very inspiring blogger award, well I got an award, okay, thanks. 

3 reasons to go to EDC, NaNo Thoughts, here we go. 

What's that — I got lost in nano, I promise I haven't disappeared. 

Done and done, the first time I finished, okay, so this video is almost done done and done, as well.

But what were the five grammatical errors that drove me bonkers in 2012? 

“I’m obviously no expert,” oh, my gosh. 

Abbreviations, oh, that does really annoy me, when people do this.

Just, okay, sorry, what's next? 

Putting spaces between punctuation, oh, my God! 

This is before I knew my roommate and she's gonna see this!

This was before I knew you, I promise I still love you… 

But it does drive me crazy when you do this. 

To, two, and too, oh, I was actually gonna make a video about this. 

“Okay, folks, pay attention,” yeah, that bothers me. 

“There’s,” okay, that's another one, and the “yours.” 

Standard. 

What are the six reasons I hate driving? 

Stopping at crosswalks that don't have stop signs, I don't like that. 

Pedestrians… I would change my mind on pedestrians, now. 

Maybe. 

Parallel driving, okay, yes, I hate that. 

I hate that when they're, like, right next to you, and you're, like, driving neck and neck? 

Yeah, I don't like that at all. 

Cutting you off just to slow down, oh, yeah, that's annoying. 

Green means go, mmhmm. 

30 is not 15, amen that's number one. 

Amen that's number one. 

65 is also not 40 so, like, amen number one. 

Okay, so, what are my NaNo thoughts? 

“The end is near.” 

See, and this is the thing, “‘This is so easy,’ I told myself, ‘I don't know why everyone says this month is so hard and stressful.’ And then this wonderful thing called ‘writer's block’ decided to hit me 33, 000 words in.” 

So, okay, see those of you who are doing NaNo for the first time. 

Stressful because here I am, this is, like, this is the ninth now, or the eighth or the ninth or whatever, and I’m over here like, “Oh, whatever, 50,000, it's fine, it's not a big deal,” but it's because I went through this first. 

And then I had to go through the same thing. 

“I’m having difficulty powering through, I’m eagerly anticipating the end so I can take a big breath of relief… I have not written 35,465 words of crap.” 

So, look, it happens. 

Keep writing. 

Done and done. 

I was done, there it is, there's my stats chart. It won't open up any higher than that, let me zoom in, there it is. 

That's how I did first time I did it.

It's all still available on NaNo, too, if you want to see it, but I think that that's pretty much all I want to do from 2012. 

I know that there’s, like, a little bit more, but we're moving into… 

These are cool pics. 

Oh, I like this one. 

Oh, what is an artist? 

Why have I done that…? 

Daily post ideas, oh, that's why there's so much. 

Oh, okay, well those are whatever, but I think that this is… 

This is another one of those stories that I was, like… 

Why your retailer hates you, tis a season to be a douchebag. 

Someone was being rude, I was working at Borders, so that was where all that came from. 

Oh, I was having a quesadilla, sounds good. 

What are the five reasons your retailer probably hates you? 

I have people from Borders who follow me on this channel, so if they've seen this far in the video, because it is getting long, but… 

This is not a free therapy session, amen. 

Don't abuse coupons, amen. 

Don't treat them like they're beneath you, amen. 

Don't take your anger out on them, don't blame them for things they can't control.

That all sounds great. 

I love that. 

Oh, my gosh! 

Oh, my gosh! 

Yeah, okay, this… 

I think we're gonna move… 

Actually, okay, two more before — I’m so sorry, oh, my gosh, three more, “Melted Stories.” 

In my sensory detail video, I did another thing about candles. I obviously love watching candles melt away. 

That's all I wanted to say about that. 

But this, I wanted to do just because this was the first time that I got… 

This is my unboxing of the first draft of this, of the first draft of this. 

Because after I did NaNo, I found CreateSpace, and this was the first draft of this that I ever had. 

I was looking for that today, but I couldn't find it. 

It's in a box somewhere, I was gonna have it out, maybe it'll be out by the end of the month. 

But yeah, I… I chronicled that. 

So that’s, I remember that day.

I literally remember that day, that's so crazy. 

What else is on here? 

Just this last one, the top five reasons 2012 changed me. 

I just wanted to see that, and then everything else. 

This “Sucker Punch” thing is just that college thing, my college portfolio stories, but then everything else I’m waiting until the next post. 

But this what— 

Courtney Manning! 

Dang!

First up!

That was my friend that died that year. 

Anyway, moving on from that. 

EDC, okay, EDC 2012 was the first year I went. 

Leaving Chili’s, oh, my gosh leaving Chili’s. 

I remember leaving Chili’s. 

Oh, my gosh, that's hilarious. 

Chili’s. 

Nano, there it is. 

First time I did it, winner, hooray. 

And that unboxing that I just did, okay, well that was, I mean for me, at least, that was very interesting. 

I don't know, some people are interested in my story, some are not, but I don't care because, “as long as I like what I’m doing, I’m good.” 

Because that's what 23-year-old-Andrew said in 2012, and he had some things that were cool. 

His grammatical botherings haven't changed. 

I remember all of that. 

That was fun, that was a fun thing to do. 

I’m kind of looking forward to doing that for the rest of this month, so I hope you enjoyed something out of this. 

And if you didn’t, sorry, I’m gonna keep doing it all month. 

So, see you on Thursday, when I do a video. 

So that's gonna be a fun thing to watch, when I —(nervous sigh)

Time to Write a Book Together! Let's Get Ready for National Novel Writing Month 2020!

Hey, everyone!

How’s it going?

I hope this post is finding you well.

I just wanted to take a quick moment to thank those of you who have already liked, shared, commented, and, most importantly, subscribed to this channel.

All of the videos I’ve released, apart from the Piranesi review, were recorded in the first couple weeks of August, so I’m really glad those awkward first videos are officially done.

Going forward, I’m going to take a moment on the last Thursday of every month to pause, thank those of you who support me, reflect on where I’ve been, and discuss what I have planned next. 

For this month, since I already have next month’s content filmed, as well,  I’ve put together a short little one-minute clip to show you what to expect next. I’ll check back in for closing thoughts once the message has played.

Ahhh!

I’m super excited both to officially announce that and write the book I’ve designed when November hits.

For those of you who do not know, November is National Novel Writing Month, so these little topic videos and tutorials I’ve put together throughout October are designed to help you get a skeleton of your book so you don’t run into any hindrances during NaNo.

It’s meant, mostly, for people who have never written a book, but I’m excited for anybody who wants to take this journey with me.

Before I leave you, I’m just going to take some advice I got from a friend and leave you with a goal.

She told me she liked to see YouTubers set goals and then later achieve them, so I’m going to go ahead and set one now that, hopefully, you will help me achieve.

This is obviously only going into my second month here on YouTube, so this is something I’m hoping is doable, but

I would love it if at least one person I do know, and one person I do not, joined me on this journey.

That seems much more attainable than saying something like 3,000 of each, but I’m just calling on two volunteers.

Although, let’s face it, the more the merrier.

So if you have never written a book, but always wanted to, please hit that little subscribe button, followed by that little bell notification, and by December 1st, you’ll have a book in your hands.

Hooray!

If you do not want to write a book, I ask that you please at least share this or any other videos with anyone you might know who does. You never know who else might benefit from them.

Or, if you’re just interested about either my personal writing process or just the general novel-writing process, these videos will be the place to go.

The Tuesday videos will cover various topics, with videos on Thursdays that take on more of a tutorial aspect, and Sundays will be for book reviews on books that affect this project, such as Piranesi.

I’m constructing my own work from scratch alongside of you, but most of that actual footage is sped up, basically the same as what you saw in this trailer, but everything I’m doing — from the character development to the completed first draft — will also be posted on my corresponding website, linked down there in the description box.

I hope you’re all ready to Get Write On In, because once next week hits… I’m not sleeping until December.

See you next week!

What it Means To Be a "Creative"

Hello, all my beautiful creatives, and thank you for joining me for the very first episode of Write On In!

My name is Andrew J. Stillman, and I'll be your host along this writing journey of ours.

Whether you are an aspiring writer, a pro, or someone who's just curious about the way writer's tick, you have come to the "write" spot.

Today, I'm going to give you a bit of a rundown about what to expect here on this show, as well as what it means to be a creative.

I'd love it if you subscribed to the blog or the YouTube channel to keep up with what's going on here. I have a lot planned in the upcoming months, and this is the first of many planned topics.

I'll also be around on Tuesdays, if it's easier to remember it that way.

Apart from that, Let's Get Write On In!

Like people, writers come in all shapes and sizes

Whether you're a novelist, a freelancer, or anything in between, we are going to discuss it all throughout these blogs and YouTube videos.

As of this filming, I'm (something of) an aspiring novelist myself. I've got eight manuscripts I'm juggling, and one day I'll figure out what to do with them.

One day.

I'll include you with my experiences as I query out agents and such for the first time, but I still want to share bits and pieces that I've learned along my journey.

I did self publish a book back in 2014, but if I'm honest, it was a rushed attempt and it's not something I'm proud of.

Just the truth, but it was a lesson either way.

It's still available on Kindle, if you want, but please don't drop the thousand someone's charging for the paperback.

My novel writing journey has come a long way since that self publication, but I've also found some success in the freelance writing world. That -- specifically with travel, which seems to have a lot of people's interest based on my trailer -- will also be amongst the topics I'll discuss throughout this series.

Travel especially is just a tad difficult with covid these days.

We'll cover everything you need to know about the world of writing, but you can always feel free to leave comments or questions about specific topics you'd like to see covered.

But as for the topic of the day:

What it Means to Be a "Creative"

Next week's topic is more tailored toward the difference between being an amateur and being a professional, but today we're going to talk about the actual definition of being a creative person.

If this is something of a new feeling for you, this creativity you're discovering, I encourage you to embrace it.

Especially if it's a recent  discovery because of this pandemic.

According to the dictionary, "creative" essentially means forming an original thought through the production of your imagination.

Basically, you just take something and make something cool with it.

It doesn't have to be stressful, so stay calm.

Today, focus on whatever creativity you feel inside of you.

Whether you write music, stories, articles, choreography, or perhaps you draw or paint...

Whatever you do...

Just go forth and create.

Let your imagination run free.

And then be sure to join me next week to talk about the differences between being an amateur and a professional.

That's all for today's introduction of Write On In, my wonderful creatives!

If you haven't already, please like, comment, subscribe, share, or do all of the above.

And if there is something in particular you would like for me to discuss, please let me know in the comments.

See you next week!